It’s not uncommon to feel a loss of confidence, especially during times of transition, change, or stress.

What we call “confidence” in the past was often rooted in external validation or 💛a sense of control over familiar circumstances. When life shifts—whether through age, relationships, career changes, or personal growth—it can feel like that foundation crumbles, leaving us questioning ourselves.

Here’s why this might be happening and some steps to start reconnecting with your confidence:

What Happened?

• External Confidence Was Shaken: Confidence often stems from skills, roles, or identities that feel secure. If those shift—like your job changing, kids leaving home, or your body aging—it’s natural to feel unsteady.
• Internal Growth Can Be Unsettling: Personal growth often brings self-awareness. You might notice patterns, like people-pleasing or perfectionism, that kept you going but were never sustainable. Letting go of those coping mechanisms can feel like losing your “edge.”
• Midlife Health or Neurodivergence May Amplify Self-Doubt: Shifts in hormones, energy, or brain patterns (like ADHD or Autism traits) can make you feel disconnected from the way you used to operate.
• Societal Pressure: There’s often pressure to “have it all figured out” at this stage of life. Feeling unsure can lead to self-doubt, especially if you compare yourself to others.

Here are some of the ways to rebuild self-confidence from the inside out in midlife:

• 💛True confidence comes from self-trust, not performing or pleasing. Begin to ask: What do I value What feels right for me now?
• 💛Practice honoring small inner nudges—this builds trust in yourself.
• 💛Lean Into Curiosity, Not Perfection: You don’t have to “get it all back.” Instead, ask: What feels intriguing, energizing, or joyful Confidence grows when you allow yourself to experiment and learn without harsh judgment.
• 💛Build Body Confidence Through Regulation: Confidence often starts in the body. Try grounding practices like walking, dancing, or slow breathing to bring calm and connection back into your physical self.
• 💛Tend to Self-Compassion: Talk to yourself the way you would a friend who’s lost their footing. Remind yourself that feeling uncertain is part of being human, not a sign of failure.
• 💛 Reconnect With Purpose: Ask: What feels meaningful What small actions can I take today to move toward that Confidence grows when we align our actions with what matters most.
• 💛 Limit Comparisons: Your path is unique. Comparing yourself to others is like comparing apples to oranges. Focus on your growth and values instead.

This stage of life isn’t about “getting back” to who you used to be—it’s about embracing the opportunity to become someone even more grounded, wise, and authentic. Confidence will come naturally as you build self-trust and honor your evolving self.

The post Midlife Can Cause Your Confidence to Wobble: Here’s Why and What to Do About It appeared first on Allison Crow.

From June 18, 2021

Both/and again.

The post On Grief – From The Archives appeared first on Allison Crow.

The more I meet myself (and my parts), the less I want to punch other people in the face.

 

Most of us are conditioned to despise, fear, and suppress “negative emotions.” I don’t believe that any emotions are negative. I believe they have wisdom and information for us. I believe there are cognitive and body skills we can learn to understand and lead our emotions instead of them leading us.

 

There will be no more erupting and no more pressing down (depression). Emotional self-leadership and the language of emotions can be learned and practiced.

Most people are taught that emotions don’t belong at work. Mental health, anxiety, & stress much What if these parts could be softened and compassionately led into relaxing & sharing their wisdom, leading to calm and creative confidence and courage?

 

This is the advanced personal development I do with business owners, executives, and leaders .  If you would like to explore coaching, find out more here: /coachingwallison/

 

I also wrote about this in my book #Unarmored –Finding Home in the Wild Edges of Being Human

#lifecoachingforentrepreneurs #ifscoaching #leadershipdevelopment #leadershipcoaching

The post Punching People In The Face appeared first on Allison Crow.

Navigating self-trust isn’t always easy. It’s about finding your footing amidst the pressures of fitting into the molds the world shapes for us—often at the expense of our authenticity.

Let’s talk people-pleasing. It’s a tune many of us dance to, a coping mechanism etched into our psyches from childhood. We all crave connection and acceptance. But beyond the superficial layers lies the question: Who are you, stripped of the thirst for approval

I’ve found that this takes self-awareness, deconstruction, and time rebuilding.

I’ve been delving into what society labels as “negative,” and it’s been a revelation – both internally and in the reactions of those around me.

“You’re too angry.”

“You’re too sad.”

“You’re too negative.”

“You’re too complainy.”

“You think too much.”

“You worry too much.”

“You judge too much.”

“Just let it go!!!”

Sound familiar We tend to shove these parts into dark corners, hoping they’ll disappear because we were taught to shame and exile them instead of caring for them.  As children, unconsciously, we did what we could; we built coping skills to stay safe and belong.  In childhood, those coping skills served us, but as adults, they need updating and re-working (not abandonment or exile).

As children, we tried to control these parts.  As adults, it is more helpful to connect and relate with these parts of us.

Self-trust takes time on task being connected to, curious about, and compassionate with these parts of us, like building any trusting relationship.  We can meet these parts and become curious and compassionate with them. 

True surrender and SELF-trust aren’t about evading the struggle; they’re about embracing every facet of ourselves, even the ones we fear. They’re about being present for our anger, our anxiety, and our struggles without judgment.

Building self-trust is a journey of nurturing the relationship between our true selves and these often-overlooked parts. It’s about spending quality time with our shadows, acknowledging their presence, and finding peace within their chaos.

This journey isn’t always smooth sailing. Relationships built on pretense may crumble, leaving behind a sense of loss. Yet, through the cracks, we catch glimpses of our authentic selves, resilient and unapologetically real.

Each moment of wobble or struggle is an opportunity to strengthen your self-trust skills.  

Ask yourself:

Who would you be if you trusted yourself wholeheartedly

What if I knew how to BE with any discomfort that came up

What if I never left myself, or any part of me again

And remember, clarity often emerges from the depths of our struggles, not just from moments of blissful meditation. Let building self-trust take time.  You’ve got this. 

• More posts on Self Trust

The post SELF-Trust Takes Time appeared first on Allison Crow.

Hello Hello Humans!

I feel like a little kid getting back on a bicycle,
It’s been a couple of months since I podcasted. 

Bug Soup is the time during chrysalis when the caterpillar disintegrates and devolves 
and physically, materially turns into an gooey mess before it regenerates into the butterflies that bless us all. 

It’s a metaphor for a stage of creation and a stage of life.  

Who else is in and has been in Bug Soup?

I have been for quite some time. 

It feels like whack a mole and it is just life. 

I just want to acknowledge the humanity of seasons of Bug Soup no matter what causes them. 

Love, 

Allison

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Resources:

• Visit: Website: www.allisoncrow.com
• Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison
• Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview
• Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

The post Bug Soup & Updates appeared first on Allison Crow.

Hello Humans!

Thank you for your grace while I took some time and space. 

For the last four years I have been in writing practice with my publisher and write as a group

One of my former clients and now friend and fellow author colleague has released her book
with Compassionate Mind Collaborative Publishing.

I want you to get her book and let it touch your heart. 

Art is About Being Whole: A Memoir By Cindy Ingram

It is a visual and word soulful treat. 

Love, 

Allison

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Resources:

• Visit: Website: www.allisoncrow.com
• Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison
• Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview
• Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

The post A Two Fridas Reading from Art is About Being Whole: A Memoir By Cindy Ingram appeared first on Allison Crow.

Hello Human Podcast Listeners!

Today I want to share a little behind the scenes ADHD update.

This is kind of personal.

It’s a behind the scenes episodes of being a small business owner,
being a coaching practice owner who is also navigating the Wild Edges of Being Human.

Many of you know the diagnosis of my ADHD over 18 months ago
and the acclimation to that both education, identity, meds, the support I need has been way different journey then I would have ever imagined.

The diagnosis label is one thing and the aftermath is interesting. 

This morning I woke up feeling more ME then I have in a long time. 

Love,

Allison

Other ADHD Episodes and Posts:

• EMOTIONS, ADHD & MOTIVATION – A CONVERGENCE OF IDEAS

• ADHD JOURNAL UPDATE – MED CHANGES AND INSIGHTS

• BEHIND THE SCENES OF ADHD

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 Resources:

• Visit: Website: www.allisoncrow.com
• Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison
• Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview
• Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

The post An ADHD Update appeared first on Allison Crow.

Hello Humans, another Road Riff Episode!

I use to consider myself an optimist. 

I still tend to have some of these qualities.

I tend to see the best in people.
I’m able to see the best in people.
Sometimes to my detriment.

My identity for many many years was built around making other people feel good.  

As I allow myself to be more human, as I drop the masks that I lived in to be save, I no longer claim to be an optimist.
Here’s why and what I claim to be instead

Love,

Allison

The ACA Bill of rights I mentioned in the episode

• Allisons ACA Bill of Rights Journal Pages

_______________________________________________________________________________________________
 Resources:

• Visit: Website: www.allisoncrow.com
• Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison
• Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview
• Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

The post Why I’m No longer an Optimist And What I Am Instead appeared first on Allison Crow.

Emotions, ADHD & Motivation – A Convergence of Ideas

Hi Y’all!

I’ve been meaning to do an ADHD podcast for over a year and I saw this quote today by Tami Simon from Sounds True,

“Sometimes only the answer is found through living life.”

When I give myself the time and space to live life, the connections reveal themselves. And unmixing my internalized-for-51-years identity as it overlaps with ADHD has been a bit of a rumble for me lately. 

While not solely about ADHD, I have had some recent insights that really landed as I continue on my learning and practicing of IFS, some  deeper study of the Enneagram (because those dang test never tell me the same number). This episode is a grand convergence of ideas connecting emotions, ADHD, and motivation–seen from a deeper than usual lens. 

Love, 

Allison

• The Enneagram Insights I’ve gained have been from listening to Suzanne Stabile’s podcast, The Enneagram Journey, and reading her book The Path Between Us. 
• I’m also reading Sari Solden’s Book (the revised and expanded version) Women With Attention Deficit Disorder Embrace Your Differences and Transform Your Life 

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• Visit: Website: www.allisoncrow.com
• Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison
• Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview
• Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

The post Emotions, ADHD & Motivation – A Convergence of Ideas appeared first on Allison Crow.

Because you live in society, you’ve been brainwashed and conditioned to make (especially uncomfortable) emotions wrong and definitely not trustworthy.

Antonio R. Damasio, M.D., Ph.D., writes:

“Emotion is an adaptive response, part of the vital process of normal reasoning and decision-making. It is one of the highest levels of bioregulation for the human organism and has an enormous influence on the maintenance of our homeostatic balance and thus of our well-being. Last but not least, emotion is critical to learning and memory.”

What if you could learn new ways of being with strong and difficult emotions?

The post To Feel is Human appeared first on Allison Crow.