ADHD Women Archives - Allison Crow

Attractor vs Enroller: A Distinction for Us Both

allisoncrow — Sun, 25 Aug 2024 17:04:42 +0000

A distinction for your consideration: Attractor vs. Enroller

Yesterday was a bingo ball day where all my ideas just bounced around in the bingo ball hopper – none fully

dropped into the final chute. I looked through some recent journals to slow down and connect with my own wisdom.

I came across a note to myself that reminded me, in my coaching practice, I am an

ATTRACTOR

not an

ENROLLER

It was just the SELF-TRUST reminder I needed.

ENROLLER is the formula for what many of us are taught to do in sales—to get people to go through a sales funnel that leads to a sales consultation, where the goal is to “convert” the prospect to a client. Then, handle and overcome objections and close the sale.

This can be effective for many salespeople, but it is also what feels disingenuous and smarmy to others.

ATTRACTOR is a way of being and marketing that feels more natural to me and encourages responsibility and self-trust in potential clients. Yes, I have expert skills, AND the client’s concerns and objections are considered and valid. A right fit is more important than “closing the sale.”

It is often unclear what I do or offer professionally, and I’m sure I leave money on the table. I know this is not the best sales practice (I taught sales for YEARS).

I am quirky and strange, and when potential clients call, if they are with someone who doesn’t know me, isn’t familiar with me, or hasn’t seen or heard me speak or teach, it is always AWKWARD. Even referrals from beloved clients can be strange – not because of the other person but because of me. I’m weird. And I’m incredibly nervous, and my “sense of being perceived” rises when I’m around new people.

Last year, I had a series of “cold discovery calls” that I think came through tiktok, which was so awkward. I was awkward.

Coaching is not a mechanical process for me—it’s a relational process, and I’m weird at the beginning of relationships, even if I don’t want to be. Hello AUDHD.

I can now see it’s a bottom-up process, and I desire that both ways. I’m probably not your best fit if you are a top-down linear thinker.

Most, not all, of the people I work well with have known and “followed” me for years. Sometimes ten or more years – The quiet watchers routinely come out when THEY are ready and say, “I want to work with you.” They are the ones that end up in transformative years or more long engagements – doing deep inner and outer work. By the time they go to my coaching page and request a connection and discovery session – they know they want to work with me in the direction of their dreams and well-being.

I know I’m not super direct, and, when you are ready, I’m here, and we can talk and create a custom program for you.

I shared this because this week, I was able to help a client see that they are more of a Gardner in their business, too, not a machine. What I call “capitalism brain” is a subconscious influence that always pushing the machine. But there IS a place for those of us who are gardeners to cultivate in our lives and work.

Maybe you need to be reminded that you are a gardener, and you can do what you do. You can keep sharing your heart, showing your work, and making warm invitations, and the right clients will bloom at the right time.

Enroller or attractor – one is not better than the other, but one is more authentic to me and more congruent with my system and my way of being and creating in the world.

Remember who YOU are, and go do your thing!

The post Attractor vs Enroller: A Distinction for Us Both appeared first on Allison Crow.

An ADHD Update

Elyse Rich — Sun, 27 Aug 2023 14:59:35 +0000

Hello Human Podcast Listeners!

Today I want to share a little behind the scenes ADHD update.

This is kind of personal.

It’s a behind the scenes episodes of being a small business owner,
being a coaching practice owner who is also navigating the Wild Edges of Being Human.

Many of you know the diagnosis of my ADHD over 18 months ago
and the acclimation to that both education, identity, meds, the support I need has been way different journey then I would have ever imagined.

The diagnosis label is one thing and the aftermath is interesting.

This morning I woke up feeling more ME then I have in a long time.

Love,

Allison

Other ADHD Episodes and Posts:

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Resources:

Visit: Website: www.allisoncrow.com
Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison
Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview
Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

The post An ADHD Update appeared first on Allison Crow.

Why I’m No longer an Optimist And What I Am Instead

Elyse Rich — Thu, 10 Aug 2023 13:34:09 +0000

Hello Humans, another Road Riff Episode!

I use to consider myself an optimist.

I still tend to have some of these qualities.

I tend to see the best in people.
I’m able to see the best in people.
Sometimes to my detriment.

My identity for many many years was built around making other people feel good.

As I allow myself to be more human, as I drop the masks that I lived in to be save, I no longer claim to be an optimist.
Here’s why and what I claim to be instead

Love,

Allison

The ACA Bill of rights I mentioned in the episode

Allisons ACA Bill of Rights Journal Pages

_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Resources:

Visit: Website: www.allisoncrow.com
Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison
Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview
Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

The post Why I’m No longer an Optimist And What I Am Instead appeared first on Allison Crow.

Emotions, ADHD & Motivation – A Convergence of Ideas

Elyse Rich — Sun, 30 Jul 2023 22:50:02 +0000

Emotions, ADHD & Motivation – A Convergence of Ideas

Hi Y’all!

I’ve been meaning to do an ADHD podcast for over a year and I saw this quote today by Tami Simon from Sounds True,

“Sometimes only the answer is found through living life.”

When I give myself the time and space to live life, the connections reveal themselves. And unmixing my internalized-for-51-years identity as it overlaps with ADHD has been a bit of a rumble for me lately.

While not solely about ADHD, I have had some recent insights that really landed as I continue on my learning and practicing of IFS, some deeper study of the Enneagram (because those dang test never tell me the same number). This episode is a grand convergence of ideas connecting emotions, ADHD, and motivation–seen from a deeper than usual lens.

Love,

Allison

The Enneagram Insights I’ve gained have been from listening to Suzanne Stabile’s podcast, The Enneagram Journey, and reading her book The Path Between Us.
I’m also reading Sari Solden’s Book (the revised and expanded version) Women With Attention Deficit Disorder Embrace Your Differences and Transform Your Life

____________

Visit: Website: www.allisoncrow.com
Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison
Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview
Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

The post Emotions, ADHD & Motivation – A Convergence of Ideas appeared first on Allison Crow.

Ep: 198 – Updates

allisoncrow — Sun, 21 May 2023 13:14:04 +0000

Hello Humans! Who else has been wild edging through transitions and wobbles! I made you a check in episode – to let you know a bit of the behind the scenes as we sort our shit out with laughter and compassion! Lots of little bite sized good things in this episode! Enjoy!

Love, Allison

The post Ep: 198 – Updates appeared first on Allison Crow.

ADHD Journal Update – Med Changes and Insights

allisoncrow — Wed, 29 Mar 2023 14:45:07 +0000

ADHD journal post:

I was diagnosed 13 months ago. Only recently have I had the mental and emotional space to gently soak in some learning.

over the last decade out of necessity I have developed a pretty boring routine of nourishing practices and routines that are helpful. It helps with the mental load. I’m learning to glorify routine and boring . . . But effective. Sometimes I miss FUN Allison.

I made a med change recently. Meds have been very effective for me. I switched from Adderal to Vyvanse, and we upped the dose. I ended up with an abrupt anxiety crash in the afternoons with Adderal. Adderal is cheap. Vyvanse is not. Med management is expensive and partially covered by insurance… but only partially.

Vyvacne- I have to take it way earlier in the morning, and it lasts way longer. That’s why I’m thinking about this and up at 10:23 pm. Exercise helps. I practice shitty exercise. I think if I can build up to only slightly shitty exercise it will be better. On this med, I feel way more grounded. My breathing capacity feels deeper. Afternoons still involve a bit of anxiety but – I’m grounded and sober about it. Able to hold space for it.

Daily, I uncover connections between lifelong struggles to typical adhd experiences/symptoms. Daily I see how the neurotypical norm set me up for an internalized belief of, “I’m doing it wrong and can’t figure out why my brain can’t do the thing the way they say..” this has led to me being “hard on myself.” Something my therapist sees but I just experience as “normal.” I’m gently unpacking and deconstructing.

I have lots of grief re the negative effects on friendships. Lots and lots of loss here. Perhaps even my ex-husband. Also anxiety and a sense of risk meeting new people.

I’m slowly accepting my excessive verbal processing. Thinking out loud is my most effective process- but also can be annoying to many people. I’m grateful for the people that love me as I am.

I see and feel so much. Hyper aware. Internally. Externally. This has its pros and cons. Since I don’t drink as much as I used to I don’t have a coping thing to cut it off.

LinkedIn has the best ADHD + Work content and people’s willingness to share professionally eases m

y insecurities professionally about being open with this.

RSD symptoms are way less of a problem lately. iFS parts work has helped measurably.

Another family member of mine – was recently diagnosed.

I still learning about executive function.

Someone told me ADHD was just in my mind – a belief. A coach. I fired them. Another person told me it was just an excuse to do meth. I wish I’d told them both to eat a dick.

Like these screenshots from ADDitude Magazine say, its effect is woven through everything. I’m taking it slow to learn. Taking my time.

Grief is also woven through this. I’m not huge on regret but, dang, I see soooo many points of impact where I felt failure or a “less-thanness.”

the systemic inequities in treatment and support make me sad… I’m very aware of them. (I recently learned that many people w ADHD have a really deep awareness of and passion for righting injustice- which comes with lots of disappointment and grief).

*It’s been a while since I’ve done an ADHD update. I’m not an ADHD expert or doctor this post is not advice. It did help slow down my wired state and now I am ready and able to go to bed.

The post ADHD Journal Update – Med Changes and Insights appeared first on Allison Crow.

You Think Too Much

allisoncrow — Tue, 14 Mar 2023 15:59:31 +0000

No shit. I am 1000000% aware of this. And I’m done being ashamed of my overthinking parts. Before I get to making my list of the things I adore and love about “thinking too much,” – let me tell anyone who considers saying this to someone- anyone who overthinks is already keenly aware- we know, and this kind of comment is not helpful. It’s dismissive and rude.

Ok.

My overthinking parts are awesome. I love them. Let me count just some of the ways:

1. They make me shit loads of money by helping people solve problems.

2. duh, I am a professional and personal philosopher and psychologist. I literally study thoughts and ideas and mind.

3. I am an artist and poet and writer, and author- because I think too much.

4. My thinking parts CARE and Feel deeply. I don’t wanna live in a world where I lose my compassion for others – and to do that I need to think about lots of things.

5. The ways to stop my thinking parts include excessive drinking or xanex. Don’t wanna suppress them and so I’ve learned to BE with them. While chatty they are benevolent friends. And yes. Meditation with them is noisy and I’m ok with that. I’m rarely lonely because of my thinking parts.

6. My thinking parts are simply craving things almost every human craves. Connection. Belonging. Significance. They just use words and language and ideas. – which I find fucking fascinating.

7. Anything I have created and cultivated in my life that is good came from and idea and a thought. It didn’t manifest out of my vagina because I clinched a yoni egg in there and prayed. I created it with my mind bound in the universe. Yes I may have had excessive thoughts – sometimes I wrestle and sometimes I stress, but I also experience bliss and bless- I create excessively and I LOVE this about me.

Why on earth would I want to let it all go?

If I’m too much- go find less.

, Allison

PS: I love how people are always telling me to NOT be XYZ – often something that is acutely part of my ADHD and neurodivergence. Thanks for the ableism, yall. My DX helps me stand in my true self without it being wrong.

The post You Think Too Much appeared first on Allison Crow.

The #1 Thing That Keeps People Stuck

allisoncrow — Fri, 10 Feb 2023 16:35:24 +0000

Coaching is an art and science of behavior change, and wouldn’t it be fun if it were actually as easy as “change your thinking, change your life?” (And yes, I believed it was that simple for years- I’m sorry).

Just changing our thinking is a gross oversimplification. It leaves millions frustrated and fleeced.

One (of many) significant determiners of our lives is not just our thinking or our emotions but actually our habitual and subconscious attempts NOT to feel disconnection, shame, rejection, fear, sadness, and other uncomfortable and painful emotions.

These attempts show up as coping mechanisms that serve as armored protection from these feelings.

Hi. My name is Allison, and I’m a recovering, over-armored woman.

Let me go way back for a moment so we can move forward: It is a natural subconscious desire to connect and repair connection if the body senses a disconnect. We are wired for it. We learn early on to manipulate the maintaining of that connection with our caregivers. As children, when the connection with our caregivers conflicts with authenticity – we innately choose connection every time. We choose the coping mechanism over living in our true selves.

Here’s the burn for high-achievers: The coping mechanisms that worked for us are socially acceptable and highly admirable. They are often praised and rewarded by society.

We give and overgive. We perform, we people please, we over-function, and we caretake others, often at the expense of our true selves. If you are neurodivergent (like I am), then we mask along with our armor. It feels good until it begins not to feel good, and then what?

We look up and see all the perceived excellence around us but can feel empty or like something is missing – yet we gaslight ourselves into gratitude. That is not compassion; that is comparison.

My clients with longevity in the personal development space do this the most. You’ve been taught to shame your way into appreciation instead of taught how to cultivate it from within.

Side note: From my “I’m still learning understandings” of ADHD brains – executive function fails in the presence of shame and pain as motivation – we, instead, pursue the feel-good rewards.

Where does that leave us when these coping skills actually begin to perpetuate our struggle?

This is the place many of my experienced business owner clients are in, at the crossroads of should and self-trust.

The Crossroads of SHOULD and SELF-TRUST

The shoulds are familiar and known; they are reliable even if they come with a side of suffering.

The uncomfortable known will always be more appealing to the unknown.

The road to self-trust requires both learning new skills and unlearning old ways of habitual coping. It also requires seeing all the systems that taught you ON PURPOSE not to trust – and that can be downright depressing and bring up grief.

The Skill of Noticing
The Skill of Being With and Presence (instead of fixing or solving)
The Skill of Sensing Cravings (in self and others)
The Skill of Building Inner Relationships

These are just 4 (certainly not all) of the Self Leadership skills I help my clients develop in their lives and work. These skills can present as great insights in conversation -yippey yay-yay-woo-hoo; but if it ends there, it’s just entertainment.

We must build a muscle memory for these skills in the body and behavior, and ultimately in the nervous system if we want lasting change. . . If we want to learn to be in the world from a place of true SELF Trust.

Cheers to you on your journey of SELF-Trust.

And #icanhelpwiththat – if you are ready to build your self-trust skills, here are a few ways I can support you.

This is the work I am helping my business owner clients do. These are the conversations in my book Unarmored: Finding Home in The Wild Edges of Being Human . This is some of the focus of my live event Camp Cultivate in May, and this is the foundation from which we do group life and business coaching in my small membership program, Soulies: Self Leadership Society .

Love, Allison

Listen to the Podcast episode on this here.

The post The #1 Thing That Keeps People Stuck appeared first on Allison Crow.

Behind the Scenes of ADHD

allisoncrow — Tue, 31 Jan 2023 15:47:26 +0000

There’s an ADHD meme over on LinkedIn that is getting tons of traction. It’s funny because it is true. Many days living with an ADHD brain feels creative and fun, and yeah – it’s easy to make lots of jokes. Because ADHD and neurodivergence are getting long overdue recognition -they are almost trendy.

Many of my best gifts come from my ADHDness. Most of my brilliance and what I am proud of in life – are wrappe

d up in partnership my neurodiversity. I can share those perks on another post on another day.

I just want to acknowledge that some days for ADHD people, women especially (as the H = internal hyperactivity – not external and not visible), can be exhausting, depressing, lonely, and painful. Most of my conflicts in life are born from my differences and being misunderstood or from the internal or external pressure to mask just to fit in. I can trace almost all of my rejections to it. That is heartbreaking. Even down to, “You’re too authentic; I no longer want to be friends.”

Next, add the responsibility of leadership (positional and influential) to that. Again, another post.

It’s not always cute. It’s not always a meme or a funny skit on a 90-second Instagram reel. Add in menopause and hormonal changes, and – well, that’s fun. Insert giant unmasked eye-roll.

The med, supplement, and hormone management are a full-time job – not to mention expensive.

I have a lot of tools and nourishing practices to soothe on those days. I’m resourced in multiple directions. I also live in my innate white and wealth privilege. Many don’t have those systemic perks.

Most of my tools are in the moment, but one is a future vision process to build new neurosynapses of whole being self-acceptance instead of sensitivity to rejection. I envision old-old lady Allison, grounded in the confidence of being different, perfectly at peace being misunderstood. I envision her being self-compassionate and self-validating about how it is completely normal to have days when everything in the brain is misfiring. I envision her completely able to BE with herself and those parts on those days – not to eliminate those days, but instead, I see her trusting herself to have them as a natural course of living. She meets herself in those harder moments with far less wrestling and judgment.

I started to find an ethereal photo of a wise crone to put with this post…and immediately felt the rejection of the woman I am today. I’m not quite the woman in my visualization. And her purpose and that practice are not to bypass the discomfort of today but to create for the future while I simultaneously give myself permission to be right where I am with so much love. I am me, here, 50 and 51 weeks old, diagnosed and making sense of it all for less than a year.

Perhaps someone else in this space might not be so alone because I share the not-so-cute side of ADHD.

The post Behind the Scenes of ADHD appeared first on Allison Crow.