The Body Always Knows Archives - Allison Crow

Lessons Learned from Gabor Mate & Compassionate Inquiry

Elyse Rich — Sun, 30 Jun 2024 14:55:10 +0000

Welcome back! In today’s episode, I delve into lessons I’ve learned from one of my favorite teachers and approaches ~ Gabor Maté and Compassionate Inquiry.

I explore his method as a facilitator, the importance of gaining consent, his views on addiction as attempts to solve suffering, and authenticity versus attachment. Reflecting on his teachings, I discuss the impact of the “still-face experiment” and how connection to self is crucial in our healing journeys. I’ll also share insights on over-functioning as a coping mechanism and Gabor’s perspective on thriving in a sick world. Join me as we reconnect with ourselves and each other.

00:00 Introduction to Gabor Maté and Compassionate Inquiry

00:45 Facilitation Techniques and Interruptions

02:37 The Role of Consent in Facilitation

03:07 Understanding Addiction and Suffering

06:56 The Still Face Experiment

10:23 Authenticity vs. Attachment

18:01 Overfunctioning and Coping Mechanisms

20:46 The Impact of a Sick World on Emotional Health

22:45 Present Moment Awareness and Self-Connection

The Still Face Experiment: https://youtu.be/YTTSXc6sARg?si=9a1-oDJfE69BESL-

Gabor Maté Website: https://drgabormate.com/

The Myth Of Normal: https://amzn.to/3zoVdmc

Compassionate Inquiry: https://compassionateinquiry.com/

* Visit: Website: /

* Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison /coachingwallison/

* Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview /ifs/

* Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

/unarmoredthebook/

https://www.tiktok.com/@allison_crow

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https://www.facebook.com/wildesgesofbeinghuman

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We Can’t Learn When We Are In A Reactive State

allisoncrow — Thu, 27 Jun 2024 13:54:52 +0000

There is an OBVIOUS inflamed and injured nervous system state – with an obvious acute injury. We can see and soften when the injury is obvious. Oh wow!! Your arm got sliced off. That’s gonna take some time to heal- and we can conjure compassion for the obvious wound.

MANY of the people I come to work with have a chronically inflamed and overstimulated nervous system. Years of inner wounds and pain build up. Imagine a really severe sunburn from the inside that you can’t see. Even the slightest touch or poke can cause seemingly extreme reactions and outbursts- and then, because we have an extreme reaction that doesn’t seem to make sense- we pile on the self-shame – adding to the injury.

Burns take time to heal.

There is NO cognitive solution when our insides are severely raw from decades of coping mechanisms that look good on the outside but are wound on the inside.

Soft, space, slow, decompression, and regulation—this is what needs to happen, but we have overstimulating everyday life to attend to. It’s not easy. Our coping skills are applauded and rewarded—there is no 12-step program or rehab for them. So we have to, in our injured and inflamed state, find just a tiny anchor of somatic respite and softness and nurture that as often as we can.

Slow.

Soft.

Space.

Even the tiniest bit to start.

And having a soft person to support you helps tremendously.

It can take time. It’s not done in an insight. It’s done in the safety built over time.

The world can be hard… even the everyday subtleties…. Can wear us thin.

I’ve got you.

We won’t be in this phase forever. The new ways of being will come- but for now- slow and soft is fast.

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Unwinding Direction into Wandering for a Season

allisoncrow — Tue, 01 Aug 2023 13:44:08 +0000

December 6th, Last year, my book was published. And that early morning, as I sat down at my desk, my husband asked, “What are you doing#8221;

“Going to writing practice.”

This had been my answer to his morning question every day for the previous few years – and had become an affectionate ritual for us.

“But you just published your book#8221; he said with perplexed eyes.

“It’s what I do; I write. I go to writing practice.”

It’s been almost a year since I didn’t have a BIG goal to light the way in writing practice. Some mornings my body wants an objective. My peers check in to the question “What are you working on today#8221; with things like:

“My manuscript”
“Chapter 7”
“An email to my client.”
“My dissertation”
“My prompt today is….”

. . .and there I am with my wandering writing. My answer is often, “I’m not sure; we’ll see where we end up.”

In a world that demands direction, I am wandering these days. I am unwinding my body and mind from the mandates of a specific way of being in life and (especially) business that no longer fits.

There are moments when the wandering delivers pure enchantment, and there are moments when panic sets in my body because I’m not forcing her in a goal-driven direction, even though I still have financial obligations to meet. I may be wandering, but I am in no way retired.

I have only an abrupt ending here because. . . I am wandering. The journey isn’t complete, so there is no summation or conclusion.

Here is a photo of me wandering Colorado in December 1995

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The Practice of Connection over Control

Elyse Rich — Mon, 10 Jul 2023 13:54:57 +0000

Episode 203 – The Practice of Connection over Control

Another road riff episode!

It’s Sunday morning, 8:23 am as I record this and I’m heading out to my therapeutic horseback riding lessons. After a difficult week, I’ve got some insights and lessons settling into my bones. There might be a few tears!

Y’all know everything has an analogy, right?
It’s not even an analogy, life just repeats itself in so many patterns and I see and experience the patterns and love sharing these connections with you – so that we can all SELF-connect a bit more deeply in our lives. (PS…seeing and making connections is an ADHD thing).

Today’s episode topic is control or connection and the lessons the horses and life are teaching me.

The skills of connection over control and protection are new for many of us and they require compassionate practice.

Time on task gives us the experience of moving from controlling a situation to connecting and moving through it.
It takes us from trying to do something to becoming one with doing something. I hope you enjoy the episode – from my tender heart to yours.

Love,

Allison Crow

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Resources:

Elizabeth Gilbert: Creative Living Beyond Fear

Website and things to see and read
1:1 Coaching
Book you will love: Unarmored: Finding Home in the Wild Edges of Being Human

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You Forget. It’s Not Your Fault & Here is What to do About it.

allisoncrow — Wed, 07 Jun 2023 14:53:02 +0000

Because you are human, because you live in a society whose systems are set up to make you forget – remembering can be your most vital practice.

Seriously, you aren’t broken; you’ve done nothing wrong – our systems literally are built on you out-sourcing your self-trust and remembering. When you forget, you give away power and buy stuff you don’t need without thinking. (I love buying stuff I don’t need – with clear intention).

Because you are engaged in life and work and smart as fuck, your mind and mental managers like to move fast through your ideas. Sometimes they get congested and confused. That’s normal.

If you knew that you would regularly – as in super often – FORGET who you BE What ritual could you set up so that you REMEMBER who you are?

. . .Because from that place, everything works with more lube. Flow has space to flow from the remembering.

And remembering doesn’t just happen. That’s why you suffer. We have to cultivate it.

You are not alone, dear human. Even though happy, and excited, and clear, I could feel a sense of forgetting when I sat down at the desk today – and my pre-planned ritual of journaling and writing with a SELF-ENERGY focus – brought me back to remembering. I won’t share the top half of that page quite yet (maybe someday -as you know, I’m pretty unfiltered)…but where I ended up, because of the daily practice, was in the remembering, and now I am able, from my heart to be here for you, and to gently take the next steps of my day.

Love, Your Favorite Life Coach.

Allison

I hope you remember.

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Flow Missing Do this First – It Works Every Time

allisoncrow — Wed, 31 May 2023 14:58:22 +0000

You are brilliant, accomplished, able, and driven with a caring heart.

And sometimes your brain runs faster than your body. (Mine is doing that this morning).

Overthinking and anxiety happen when we are going so fast that the body gets left behind. I know you have tons on your plate, families to take care of, work to get done, clients to create, a dog to walk, and so much more.

Slowing down doesn’t logically make sense to your thinking parts. AND IT IS WHAT WORKS.

Give yourself the SELF Connection that opens the channel of flow – you know that flow; I’ve seen you in it. That space where you remember who you BE, and everything works from there. It’s as if magic starts to happen.

Your thinking parts forget this. So we have to choose to create connection and attunement to our own core SELF.

Do this first.

Listen to the Latest Podcast Episodes:

PS: Thanks for helping me make my new book Unarmored: Finding Home in the Wild Edges of Being Human a best seller in 5 categories! I LOVE seeing the actual book in your hands and being tagged on Socials! Thank you!

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Step into the Making to Get Out of Your Head

allisoncrow — Wed, 04 Jan 2023 16:16:42 +0000

It’s post-book launch. I still show up for my writing practice group most days.

My favorite dog has died, the year has ended, and my nervous system is slowly recuperating from a year of challenge after challenge.

My writing coach asks each of us, “What are you working on today?”

Inside, a part of me feels lost and ashamed – I don’t know what I am working on today. That heady part looks for an endpoint, a goal, a result – something to give her certainty.

I have a list of ideas – each simmering in its own mental crockpot – yet none of them feel ready to put on the page. I find myself longing for the direction I had when I had the end result of a book on the horizon. Before that longing is even finished crossing my mind, I giggle at where I find myself standing once again.

I’m simply in the creative process. The squirrels and whirls, dead spaces, frustrations, deaths, and emptiness ARE a part of the process. My Gawd, how we hate and dismiss the mulching and fallow seasons. But they are the precursor to new life.

They are a part not only of our art but also of our humanness. They are also the nutrients our souls need. (This awareness comes at the exact moment I sip a slightly nasty but nutrient-filled green drink with the texture of dirty water – again, I laugh at how life shows me exactly what I need if I will just drop into the noticing instead of arguing).

Lately, I am passionate and frustrated and righteous that no one has taught us these aspects of being human. In the same way – can one even really “teach us” how to write, paint, or make art Nope. They can tell us the steps and give us the materials. But we must step into the physical process of the making to make sense of it all in our bones. And there is no linear path there.

Without the stepping in and making – I am only in my head, and my body gets left behind. When I do this, life starts spinning, and I start suffering. I lived there most of my life – in an analytical, head-led life.

The old residue of an incomplete belief, “change your thinking, change your life,” shows up. I’ve been so busy managing my mind -when stepping into the making is what makes everything make sense again. Bring my body to the practice begins to soothe my mind. It certainly slows her down. I remember that I am a maker, not so much a manager.

My head and my body make peace…and then we step into the process of making our art.

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It Can Be Safe to Feel

allisoncrow — Tue, 22 Nov 2022 15:38:41 +0000

Something BRILLIANT my therapist helped me see.

“I am safe, AND I am feeling ______.”

There were moments in this post-heart attack and post-hard-ass emotional summer – that I felt NOT OK.

The subconscious sensation of my difficult emotions and thoughts was that I was not safe feeling these things – “I’m not ok.”

He gave me this distinction to begin telling myself, my body in these moments. (It’s working).

I am safe, and I am feeling grief.

I am safe, and I am feeling anxious.

Many of us were “trained” by caregivers and society not to feel safe if we felt strong emotions.

“Stop that crying bullshit.”
“I’ll give you something to cry about.”
“Suck it up.”
“Stop worrying.”
“You’re being a baby.”
“You’re just being dramatic.”

The subtle threat of withdrawal, rejection and disconnection often came with these words, and it trained our physical and emotional muscle memory that strong and uncomfortable emotion = threat that then cues the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response.

No amount of cognitive insight can override a body that subconsciously doesn’t feel safe. So we can begin to learn the skills of creating internal and somatic safety and self-regulation.

We can learn to KNOW that we are safe- and we are safe to FEEL ________.

So much of what stops us in life isn’t just our thinking (that’s the surface) – it’s the internal safety and learned ability to experience difficult emotions.

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I Believe You.

allisoncrow — Thu, 13 Oct 2022 21:57:18 +0000

Today is a new day. Yesterday was low, low, low….. grateful for my compassionate friend Heather and compassionate nurse Bethany. I spent half the day at the Heart Hospital having some tests (planned, not an emergency).

Here’s what I noticed about being in the hospital while Bethany was tenderly tucking me under a warm blanket for a nap between CT scans:

In the hospital- someone else makes allllll the decisions for me. An

d when this feels GOOD – it is a sign that I am physically and emotionally beat.

Normally I enjoy freedom in making my own decisions.

And I’m not alone. This isn’t just heart attacks, dogs dying, and everyday life and work stress. When I talk to my clients and friends- many of them are DONE.

The mental load is overloaded. Overstimulated. Fragile.

Then there is the internal self-gaslighting, “but most of the world has it sooo much worse, you are weary from quality problems.”

The invalidation makes it worse, and the edges fray a bit more.

But Bethany, nurse Bethany didn’t say – you’re a lucky lady. Many heart attacks are way worse. Suck it up.

She didn’t compare my difficulty to someone better or worse. She validated my experience. She didn’t hold it as a “complaint.”

I believe you.

She said,

“Oh honey, yes, this makes you really nauseous, and that is no fun. May I bring you some juice Stay here as long as you need. We can’t have you going home feeling crummy.”

I believe you.

I believe your experience and I don’t need to invalidate it or criticize it or just because it’s uncomfortable I don’t have to squirm away from it. I believe you.

Dear Ones, you don’t owe anyone your relatability. You don’t have to invalidate your experience because it isn’t as bad as another’s. It’s YOUR experience, and your discomfort and stress are valid.

I wanna be more like Bethany – to myself and others. That tenderness heals. And when we’re healed, we can care more for those that have it way worse.

Today is a new day. Coffee in my cozy bed helps.

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Which Part Leads Head, Heart, or Body?

allisoncrow — Tue, 19 Oct 2021 18:21:20 +0000

Which part of you is your subconscious instinctual leader?

I’ve always “thought” of myself as heart-led…. BUT oh, No I instinctively lead with my head and thoughts. And under stress, I can instinctively disconnect from my heart and body.

#Gottalovethosetraumaresponses

My enneagram is type 7- a head lead type. My Human Design is MG 4/6

with Sacral authority and an open head center. I reactively look to my head/thoughts/reason.. for certainty. And I’m learning to connect with my heart and my body. I’m learning to notice when my head is creating disconnect…. Meeting that protective part and then connecting with my heart and my body, and my thinking parts even deeper.

The result is a greater sense of grounding and balance. Learning to listen to and trust my heart and body. And learning to let my head rest! (oh my the overthinking).

What do you lead instinctively with Head, heart, body And what is it like to be you?

Ps every time I take the enneagram I get a different number. Tested 4 today. Maybe my heart work is working.

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