Soul-Work Archives - Allison Crow

Another Kind Of Mother

allisoncrow — Thu, 13 Apr 2023 14:25:30 +0000

Maiden – Mother – Crone.

Tone: Deep contentment with a grandmother smile.

As I enter the crone years of my life – many past griefs are resurfacing in dreams and intrusive thoughts. I call them pebble dreams – because they are smaller now, not like the avalanche of boulder dreams I had as I entered my 40s.

It’s as if those old wounds, mostly processed and held years ago, come to pop in one more time to remind me of the sum of my story so far. Those stones changed the direction of the life I thought I would have.

This morning, a book I was reading asked me this profound question, “What has life entrusted to me#8221;

I’m going to really marinate on what my answer is – and the first thing that popped into my thoughts was what life didn’t entrust to me that I thought it would.

I am 51. I have never been pregnant. Ever.

For the first 32 years of my life – I thought I wanted 5 kids. A giant gaggle of children all close in age like my mother had.

I thought my career would be wife and mom and maybe mentor to college-age women who wanted to be a wife and mom. It was extreme – and born out of the sheltered religious norms of my childhood communities. I also thought I would marry a man in khaki pants and boots with a business suit and a ranch for us to go to on the weekends.

Peel away the religion – which I do not miss; simply, I never had a child or children of my own. At some point, this became a conscious choice. My ego wanted a child – one that looked like Bill and me – tall with a big forehead and thick hair and probably good at basketball and writing, and a girl, only a girl. That’s how I knew my soul was not here to have a child.

There is both freedom and clarity – and a pang of grief.

Life entrusted me with something entirely different. Something I didn’t know I could or would want when I was a child or young woman. Life entrusted me to be another kind of mother. My love and legacy live in way more family trees than my own. I have mentored thousands of mothers and fathers and born a thousand children and sent them off to live and thrive in the world once they came to maturity, and now I am a grandmother of these.

Now I only wonder who will be at my bedside when I cross over to the other side.

What has life entrusted to you?

Photo: Marmaduke & Allison 1972

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Wild Edge Of Being Human: Musings on Grief.

allisoncrow — Thu, 12 Jan 2023 16:22:56 +0000

Grief does not feel like the wisest business strategy lately – Especially as a coach – A small protector part of me -influenced by “perfection only” past mentors, feels this deep obligation to be cheery and “positive.” (Those same mentors always “shoulded” that concise was imperative. Buahahah. This is not concise. NOTHING I do is concise).

I know that is just a part of me – a part that wants to be accepted and not rejected. I also know that humans need human leaders and public people who hold space and compassion for the wild edges of being human. This is the work I came to do in myself and for the world.

It’s a breeze to hold the pretty center – it’s another thing to lead and BE in the wild edges. Grief, my friends, is not in the shiny center; it is the definition of the wildest and most unpredictable of edges.

The grief of losing Leroy is the easiest of grief. I feel more familiar with some versions of this heartbreaking experience. Francis Weller speaks of the 5 Gates of Grief in his book The Wild Edge Of Sorrow(see image).

The Grief that is asking for my presence is the 4th Gate. Three recent moments helped me come to this awareness – gifts through connection with others (not with my head in a book of information but through relationships) have helped me SEE clearly.

The first was my ADHD diagnosis 11 months ago and how the symptoms have impacted me + and that I harshly judged and hated parts of me – incessantly trying to FIX these defaults for 49 years. It is wobbly holding those as ISness and considering a path forward where I create accessibility for myself instead of trying to fix something that isn’t broken, only different.

The 2nd was the ACA Adult Children of Alcoholics Bill of Rights, a beloved shared with me. Already coming into my own awareness of and recovering from people pleasing, over-functioning, over-achieving + boundaries – this document spelled out losses so clearly – in 20 distinct and familiar points. A gut punch…but also a re-set point. And so much grief in my body. My head already gets it, but my body is coming online and integrating, feeling, and releasing. And my thinking parts have a hay day with the discomfort.

The third was in a session with my new coach yesterday: I remembered the 18-year-old me – so full of hope and faith, innocence, and ignorance -and physically strong and athletic. Joyful because she didn’t know. She didn’t know because she was young and privileged, and protected. She had so many dreams and so much belief. She was sourced in religion and brainwashed in privilege and ableism. I felt both sorry for her and jealous. I have been beaten down by what has not happened that I had so much faith would in life and work. I’ve been timid around desire and goals. I’ve been too tired to want as I chopped wood and carried water in this last season of ailing parents, ailing dogs, other private family matters never mentioned here, and caring for my business, marriage, mental health, and heart attack.

As I compassionately sit with this – and allow myself to be held in the presence of this grief and validation- my body acclimates to the discomfort, and I remember that I am safe- struggling but not broken. And that it is just moments of struggle. It is not my I AMness.

And then hope comes back in. There is a way to have hope and faith. I don’t have to go back to being the 18-year-old (or any other version of my joyful-faith-filled selves), but I can cultivate the hope and faith, and strong body of the 51-year-old woman I am. This feels both exciting and crushing to be a beginner all over again.

If you read UNARMORED all the way to the end… you’ll have read the part where the HUMANness reconnects with the spark of Spiritual again, followed by a heart attack; that, for me, was a metaphor for restarting my heart with the electricity of SPIRIT.

That’s where I stand today.

Comfortable in my humanness, holding others in theirs, and now ready to build both my physical strength and my faith and prayer – in my own unique way. And ‘strong ankles”. I’ll share that story another day.

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“The Gritty Masks Faded Away”

allisoncrow — Tue, 27 Sep 2022 13:39:06 +0000

I just told my writing group peers that this is what I was going to write about . . .
. . . how after both completing a book called UNARMORED and having a life-affirming heart event – everything is different; how I have no filter, or mask or protective devices, but that I do have fierce boundaries.

How my entire system is ultra sensitive (body and emotion- I can no longer tolerate wine or coffee, and I FEEL everything somatically), and my clairvoyance is uncomfortably off the charts.

And then I pulled this card from my The Muse Tarot deck by Chris-Anne:

“. . . the protective facade . . .has finally dropped away. . . her gritty mask faded as soon as she realized her own internal light was the only way to internal safety & success . . . walking in the world as nothing but yourself and doing things your way, with your heart. . .”

You can see her beautiful card and the whole experiential reading at https://themusetarot.com/muse-tarot-meanings-9-of-materials/

I wish I could say I felt stable in the nakedness. And as my friend KB reminded me, there is no use in comparing Allison of this day to Allison of a month ago. She isn’t there. Just get to know THIS Allison, day by day… for the next year or so.

Who are you today Who are you at this moment And how might you completely and utter love THIS ONE HERE AND NOW

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Drop Below Your Head to Inner Authority

allisoncrow — Wed, 20 Oct 2021 15:21:33 +0000

Inner Authority: hello fellow recovering people pleasers.

Hello, over-functioning and over-empathic leaders.

All these things work until they don’t… and now here you are realizing so much of what made you successful was behavioral patterns born out of childhood trauma, emotional neglect…. And the entire effing world and systems and media and religion and school and everything that conditioned you to give your authority away!!!

Did I mention religion You know, the kind that, in 3rd grade, threatened to leave you behind if you didn’t fall in line….

And so even though you are successful, maybe you find yourself doing the next course, or high-end mastermind, or upgrading your branding or whatever the thing is you think will get you to that nebulous “there.”

Even after all the success and stability- you still get flooded with doubt, overbook your calendar out of obligation, neglect the things that nourish you even though you thrive better if you do them…. And then you spiral into shame because you “aren’t doing it right.”

well, here we’re are. And you are totally doing it right.

But don’t take it on my authority….

Slow down and check deep down in your own body, your own heart, in the place deeper and truer than all the voices….

What does that part of you say Remember who you BE. And that you are the decider. You CAN trust yourself to BE YOU, do things your way, slow down…. Build certainty in your own authority.

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Lessons from 18 Years in Business

Elyse Rich — Sun, 12 Sep 2021 15:11:13 +0000

Welcome to episode 150 (159 really):

This is a landmark episode. and it falls on the week of a landmark anniversary for me in business. 18 years of working for myself. How on earth did that happen?nbsp; As you will hear in this episode, one lesson at a time!

But first…. Soul-Full Business owners, I want to thank you. If you are new to the Better Life Better Work Show thank you and welcome. I know this isn’t a traditional podcast – and most of I all thank you for getting my unconventional ways. My listeners and clients are experts in Borrowed Insight… I know you can hear a story and pull the pieces relevant to your own heart. And if you’ve been here since the shaky, shitty beginnings 5 and a half years ago- extra thank you for sticking with me through the evolution.

Evolution – that’s is what it is all about, right?nbsp; Owning your own business is one of the greatest gold mines for personal growth. Today’s episode is a list of the overarching lessons of each year in business. I invite you to do two things with this episode. One – as I share my lessons, listen for your own. Perhaps ours are similar or they overlap. Notice the themes and how they align with the phases of business. Launch, Growth and Achievement.

2nd…after the episode – take some time and map out YOUR years in business. Make a list of YOUR big lessons. Notice your own accomplishments and how far you have come! Most of my achievement-level clients – the sisters in Spark, UNhustle, and Flow – have super successful businesses, and often they forget to remember how skilled and accomplished they really are. You deserve to give your self credit, take stock, and fill your own bucket for the journey ahead.

Finally, Know that in 2003 – I never anticipated being in business for myself. I never expected to be even working a job (I always thought I would be a wife and mom and raise 5 kids) and here I am 2 marriages, zero pregnancies, and 5 incarnations of business later,

In September 2003, when my husband of 2 years left… what was a WHIM – getting my real estate license- became the hard left turn to the work of my heart.

Interesting to see…the early years were survival mode and fast skill-building. The middle years…growth and sustainability -figuring out how to BE ME… and the most recent years….depth, slowing down, self-trust & solidify.

Here are my OVERARCHING lessons of each year (certainty not the ONLY lessons):

2003 – Show Up For EVERYTHING – Negotiate for yourself from the start.

2004 – No Option B – Failure is not an option

2005 – Learn and master sales skills and time on task- do the boring shit. Relationship sales are way more pleasurable than cold calling. Think smoking weed and drinking beer on the lake and match.com -great lead sources when you are single and in your early 30s!

2006 – You must believe in yourself – no one else can do it for you. Unconventional, no matter how successful, is frowned upon by many, -trust yourself anyway – reinvent the model.

2007 – Make it up and learn what you need to know. Relentlessly pursue the learning – teaching sales and marketing solidified my skills.

2008 – What is working for the ones who succeed AND are happy: Inner work is where the successful people spend their energy and then they go do the task without question

2009 – Have a coach in your sphere have a coach out of your sphere – beware cult mentality.

2010 – Desconstruct automatic authority and find your own personal power, authority, and loyalty

2011 – Bet on yourself over and over

2012 – What is on your to FEEL LIST

2013 – Back to Basics – time on task, love on people connection & creation over transaction and production

2014 – Be You – Strip Down to your authentic self – you will find your people

2015 – A 40 something body will not tolerate bypassing and depressing down important work – no matter how fabulous your business and offers are on the outside.

2016 – Art heals – it shows you everything. Profit First and save for taxes with every single income deposit.

2017 – One thing

2018 – Sustainable over Stupendous sparkly bullshit

2019- Own Your Credibility

2020 – No more bypassing – FEEL IT ALL

2021 Self-Leadership and Emotional Management -When I was young I felt old and wise, and the older I get the younger and newer I feel.

I can’t wait to see what unfolds next.

Love,

Allison

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Become a member of Soulies Self-Leadership Society:
https://soulfullsuccess.live/purchase-life/

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Being Smart, and where traditional coaching failed, and what helped.

allisoncrow — Fri, 16 Jul 2021 17:25:05 +0000

For 49 years I’ve been too smart for my own good.

I’m a lifelong student and always will be. My intellectual prowess has always given me a sense of safety and security. For most of my life, this was unconscious and now I see.

I see this was the anchor I hitched my being to in a chaotic life. I see how my intellect helped me solve problems and thrive after divorce, and create a thriving coaching practice. It served me until there were glitches that my intelligence couldn’t solve. I see places where my nervous and psychological systems would still wig out because they didn’t feel safe or certain.

In 2015/16 Jeffrey Rutstein asked me if I had childhood trauma.

My first response was, “No.”

I had very loving and involved parents. I went to private school and we had a boat and a pool. And my parents attended every basketball game I played in. So because it wasn’t like the way trauma was depicted on tv- my brain made up that there was no trauma.

Um, YES there was trauma at home and school and church. I had a physically traumatic bike injury in 4th grade. There was alcoholism, verbal abuse, emotional uncertainty, neglect, financial chaos, food insecurity, emotional manipulation (my school showed us the “Left Behind” movies when I was in 3rd grade), and religious trauma. My sweet mom had a debilitating disability- and 4 kids in 5 years… had a lot of adult responsibilities way to soon. I’m Gen X! Of course there was trauma. I also had traumatic experiences with each set of grandparents- one wealthy and one poor.

Obviously, my parents were doing the best they could with the tools they had- they both had traumatic childhoods….. and frankly, ALL of us have.

Some of my obvious expressions of this chaos have been:
Perpetual Hyper-vigilance.
People pleasing.
Loose boundaries.
Verbal abuse.
Emotional eruption and rage.
Over functioning.
Over debting.
Codependency.
Conflict avoidance.
Cutting people out of my life completely and quickly when it hurt.
Clinical depression and anxiety.
Excruciating fear of rejection and excessive need for validation.

Slowly and gently I began to see the places where trauma still lived in my cells, my bones, my and psychology. I began to notice and recollect stories- not as a victim but just as an aware being. OH…. Of course, that had an impact on you, and here’s where and how it shows up as an adult.

I’m so grateful for gentle teachers, Like Jeffrey, and Chris Zydel, and Rebecca Ching and countless authors and teachers I’ve never actually met in person – they have led me in a compassionate discovery of ALL of me. And I am in love. (Compassion and relationship were key here- no “ass-kicking” -as for me that would just have been more trauma).

These teachers have taught me not to just “know thyself” but to relate to myself, connect and BE with all the parts of me. They have also taught me that my nervous system and body are a major part of the process and healing.

This is why from an intellectual standpoint these wouldn’t, and could not be healed.

Almost everyone I know has joined me at some point in saying, “I know it in my head…. But I just can’t seem to XYZ…”. This is why. It can’t be healed with a mindset shift.

I love coaching. And coaching without embodiment – nervous system knowledge, and trauma-informed care- is just a bandaid on a festering wound. And that’s ok until it isn’t.

You’ll know. You will KNOW in your being and body when it’s time to really go full body and deeper emotionally into your system.

As I approach 50- I can see it all coming together. I can connect the dots of the past so clearly. It’s all so perfect. Even the trauma. It’s made me this tapestry of a human that I do sweetly and tenderly love and am connected to…. As well as intellectually understand.

While I’m excited about the future and my coaching practice and the new modalities I’m immersed in personally, and I’m practicing professionally, what is BEST…. Is in this moment, on my back porch, I am here NOW, with me, with my story, and with this moment (and two panting boxer dogs). I am safe being me. I am safe opening my heart. I am safe here and now.

I wish this peace for anyone who desires to have it.

And so it is.

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Beyond the Noise: Reconnect with Your Business

allisoncrow — Sun, 21 Feb 2021 06:00:20 +0000

I want to share a valuable truth with you today:

You have everything you need.

I’m realizing that there is a lot of noise out there.

Noise that we are missing out, that should/could do more, that we aren’t as good as, etc.

It’s so easy for us humans, especially us business owners, to fall into this noise.

In this episode it’s my intention to remind you that you have everything you need, to help you reconnect with yourself and your business.

I’ll do that by sharing these things with you:

2:47 – One the most detrimental things to us small business owners

3:35 – A guided mini-meditation

9:32 – A reminder that you know what works and an example of what works for me

16:20 – My reminder for you

21:01 – What I Know is true for me and may be for you too

The truth is that you can ignore the noise. Listen within, it’s all there.

Want exquisite, high-end, heartfelt, & authentic life/biz coaching and community at an insanely easy price – so you have room to ALSO invest in the growth of your business Check out Soul-Full Success Coaching Membership.

Ready for more Join my email community for more goodies or to just shoot me a message.

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Episode 113: Ways to Keep SOUL in your Business

allisoncrow — Fri, 04 Sep 2020 14:53:41 +0000

Soul-Full CEOs know that life and work both thrive when the Soul is alive. Here are some ways that you can keep SOUL present in your business – so that you can thrive.

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Video: The Edgiest Thing I’ve Done for Long Term Success in my Heart and Life:

allisoncrow — Thu, 30 Jan 2020 16:12:49 +0000

The Edgiest Thing I’ve Done for Long Term Success in my Heart and Life:

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Hollywood, Texas: a novella by Bill Flanigin

allisoncrow — Wed, 11 Dec 2019 15:23:59 +0000

I’m honored to share my husband and his work with you as a bonus episode! Join Bill Flanigin, author, and me, as we talk writing process, and his new novella Hollywood, Texas. I’ve seen his process and practice from idea to published author – now of two books. Grab a cold beer and listen in as we riff. Hollywood, Texas: a Novella is a romance story never told before and it will leave you thinking days after you finish. Get your copy and let us know what you think!

Hollywood, Texas; a novella – available on Amazon

Bill on Facebook
Bill on Instagram

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