Self Trust Archives - Allison Crow

Take Time to Look (& Listen)

allisoncrow — Wed, 21 May 2025 15:32:36 +0000

The last thing I want to do when life feels SLOW is slow down even more. Many months ago, I came across this painting by Sarah Bamford Seidelmann. It landed in my feed, and I instantly purchased a wood print from her. It has been over my left shoulder, helping me remember who I am, since I unpacked it.

“Take time to look,” said Georgia O’Keeffe. My own brain also added, “Take time to listen.”

The impossible standards conditioned into my brain expected insight and direction in a flash. My soul knows better, but that did not stop so many parts of me from being irritated, frustrated, self-blaming & shaming, and even afraid.

The vision, the next, the path… has been right here all along in dozens of tiny puzzle pieces. Thirty years ago, soul seeds were planted when I discovered the work of Thomas Moore in a Boulder, Colorado bookstore.

I KNEW.
I’ve always known, and of course, like many of us do, I’ve been distracted in the living of life, in the unbecoming of my training, and in the gaining of wisdom that only experience can bring. Of course, this had to wait until my 3rd Act.

It’s all here.
No big flash today, just stepping forward into the re-enchantment of everyday life from a grounded, weathered, and strangely confident place.

I’ve always known and now it’s time to harvest what has been reblooming all along.

“The Re-Enchantment of Everyday Life” gave me permission to have a diverse portfolio of interests and expertise from my early 20s. A scholar, teacher, counselor, psychologist, spiritual student, poet, artist, writer, another kind of mother, and tender of souls in life and work.
“The Education of the Hear t” and “Elemental Self.” (All by Thomas More and all on my shelf for 25-30 years).

My own company, Soul-Full Living, LLC – although my business has evolved over the years, SOUL-FULL remains the guiding path. SELF connection and trust amidst an enticing and distracting world are still the fuel.

The Great Work of Your Life by Stephen Cope, and my own book Unarmored: Finding Home in the Wild Edges of Being Human.

I could list 132 more puzzle pieces that have come together to undoubtedly show me that my mission is in moments, not in moonshots or impact.

In a world of volatility, uncertainty, and complexity, being connected to self, source, and the present moment matters. Intentional living, community, and expression of creativity, poetry, nature, caring conversations, and everyday enchantment – this is the world I am committed to creating.

Take time to look. Take time to listen. Trust yourself. Let it take time.

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Midlife Can Cause Your Confidence to Wobble: Here’s Why and What to Do About It

allisoncrow — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 19:06:38 +0000

Feeling Like You’ve Lost Your Confidence in Midlife It can be discombobulating. Here’s Why—and What to Do About It.

It’s not uncommon to feel a loss of confidence, especially during times of transition, change, or stress.

What we call “confidence” in the past was often rooted in external validation or 💛a sense of control over familiar circumstances. When life shifts—whether through age, relationships, career changes, or personal growth—it can feel like that foundation crumbles, leaving us questioning ourselves.

Here’s why this might be happening and some steps to start reconnecting with your confidence:

What Happened?

External Confidence Was Shaken: Confidence often stems from skills, roles, or identities that feel secure. If those shift—like your job changing, kids leaving home, or your body aging—it’s natural to feel unsteady.
Internal Growth Can Be Unsettling: Personal growth often brings self-awareness. You might notice patterns, like people-pleasing or perfectionism, that kept you going but were never sustainable. Letting go of those coping mechanisms can feel like losing your “edge.”
Midlife Health or Neurodivergence May Amplify Self-Doubt: Shifts in hormones, energy, or brain patterns (like ADHD or Autism traits) can make you feel disconnected from the way you used to operate.
Societal Pressure: There’s often pressure to “have it all figured out” at this stage of life. Feeling unsure can lead to self-doubt, especially if you compare yourself to others.

Here are some of the ways to rebuild self-confidence from the inside out in midlife:

💛True confidence comes from self-trust, not performing or pleasing. Begin to ask: What do I value What feels right for me now?
💛Practice honoring small inner nudges—this builds trust in yourself.
💛Lean Into Curiosity, Not Perfection: You don’t have to “get it all back.” Instead, ask: What feels intriguing, energizing, or joyful Confidence grows when you allow yourself to experiment and learn without harsh judgment.
💛Build Body Confidence Through Regulation: Confidence often starts in the body. Try grounding practices like walking, dancing, or slow breathing to bring calm and connection back into your physical self.
💛Tend to Self-Compassion: Talk to yourself the way you would a friend who’s lost their footing. Remind yourself that feeling uncertain is part of being human, not a sign of failure.
💛 Reconnect With Purpose: Ask: What feels meaningful What small actions can I take today to move toward that Confidence grows when we align our actions with what matters most.
💛 Limit Comparisons: Your path is unique. Comparing yourself to others is like comparing apples to oranges. Focus on your growth and values instead.

This stage of life isn’t about “getting back” to who you used to be—it’s about embracing the opportunity to become someone even more grounded, wise, and authentic. Confidence will come naturally as you build self-trust and honor your evolving self.

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Attractor vs Enroller: A Distinction for Us Both

allisoncrow — Sun, 25 Aug 2024 17:04:42 +0000

A distinction for your consideration: Attractor vs. Enroller

Yesterday was a bingo ball day where all my ideas just bounced around in the bingo ball hopper – none fully

dropped into the final chute. I looked through some recent journals to slow down and connect with my own wisdom.

I came across a note to myself that reminded me, in my coaching practice, I am an

ATTRACTOR

not an

ENROLLER

It was just the SELF-TRUST reminder I needed.

ENROLLER is the formula for what many of us are taught to do in sales—to get people to go through a sales funnel that leads to a sales consultation, where the goal is to “convert” the prospect to a client. Then, handle and overcome objections and close the sale.

This can be effective for many salespeople, but it is also what feels disingenuous and smarmy to others.

ATTRACTOR is a way of being and marketing that feels more natural to me and encourages responsibility and self-trust in potential clients. Yes, I have expert skills, AND the client’s concerns and objections are considered and valid. A right fit is more important than “closing the sale.”

It is often unclear what I do or offer professionally, and I’m sure I leave money on the table. I know this is not the best sales practice (I taught sales for YEARS).

I am quirky and strange, and when potential clients call, if they are with someone who doesn’t know me, isn’t familiar with me, or hasn’t seen or heard me speak or teach, it is always AWKWARD. Even referrals from beloved clients can be strange – not because of the other person but because of me. I’m weird. And I’m incredibly nervous, and my “sense of being perceived” rises when I’m around new people.

Last year, I had a series of “cold discovery calls” that I think came through tiktok, which was so awkward. I was awkward.

Coaching is not a mechanical process for me—it’s a relational process, and I’m weird at the beginning of relationships, even if I don’t want to be. Hello AUDHD.

I can now see it’s a bottom-up process, and I desire that both ways. I’m probably not your best fit if you are a top-down linear thinker.

Most, not all, of the people I work well with have known and “followed” me for years. Sometimes ten or more years – The quiet watchers routinely come out when THEY are ready and say, “I want to work with you.” They are the ones that end up in transformative years or more long engagements – doing deep inner and outer work. By the time they go to my coaching page and request a connection and discovery session – they know they want to work with me in the direction of their dreams and well-being.

I know I’m not super direct, and, when you are ready, I’m here, and we can talk and create a custom program for you.

I shared this because this week, I was able to help a client see that they are more of a Gardner in their business, too, not a machine. What I call “capitalism brain” is a subconscious influence that always pushing the machine. But there IS a place for those of us who are gardeners to cultivate in our lives and work.

Maybe you need to be reminded that you are a gardener, and you can do what you do. You can keep sharing your heart, showing your work, and making warm invitations, and the right clients will bloom at the right time.

Enroller or attractor – one is not better than the other, but one is more authentic to me and more congruent with my system and my way of being and creating in the world.

Remember who YOU are, and go do your thing!

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Do your Leaders Invite You to Self Trust Like Rick Rubin (And Me)

allisoncrow — Thu, 22 Aug 2024 14:35:00 +0000

SELF- Trust:

As a coach- my clients often hear me say:

You can accept, modify, or reject

I’ll lay this idea/suggestion on the table, and you can pick it up or leave it there.

I am not the boss of you. I believe in you. I have some really good ideas and connection and protection strategies to share – but you are the ultimate authority on you.

My friend Justin mentioned this book by Rick Rubin recently- and I’ve been mainly listening – but this morning, I opened the hardback- and loved this invocation for the reader to use what is helpful and let go of the rest.

This post has an affiliate link.

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UNLEARNING (In my journal)

allisoncrow — Wed, 07 Aug 2024 17:11:36 +0000

Today is one of those days when all the dots connect, and I can see how the past has led me to now. My now is ordinary; there is no monumental milestone or achievement. There is nothing to brag about, nothing you will admire as fabulous.

Unlearning isn’t a popular or particularly pleasing journey. It’s often heavy and certainly not inspirational low-hanging fruit to sell in a coaching program. “I can help you make more money.”

If I were really brave, I would share more of my unlearning with you out loud, but I am still sensitive to what you think about me.

Still.

Most of all, if I weren’t afraid of being so “negative.” There’s some programming and “not truth.”

Do you think nature says, “I shouldn’t be so negative#8221; or even God? Buahahahah. Nope.

We can not escape life’s difficulties even if we do everything we can to escape them. But we can learn to access our own SELFSOUL to be with ourselves and others in the difficulties (and the delights).

Unlearning IS a valid path to SELFSOUL trust. I added SOUL because the SELF-TRUST I am teaching in my work, and living in my life is trust in the INFINITE SOUL within you. The GOD inside of you that you are.

It was always calling, even from way back in 3rd grade, when at HP Elementary, I was compelled to say a prayer in chapel because I was tired of hearing the shame, fire, and brimstone messages about avoiding hell. My little 3rd-grade SOUL knew back then that it was CONNECTION and relationship, not control. And here we are at 52—seeing it all led me to this ordinary moment—where it is more than a theory; it just is.

Alli, you asked for a SOUL-full life for many years, and you’ve been living it all along and are living it here in this moment. You found it by not trying to escape your humanity but by exploring it all the way to the wild edges.

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Lessons Learned from Gabor Mate & Compassionate Inquiry

Elyse Rich — Sun, 30 Jun 2024 14:55:10 +0000

Welcome back! In today’s episode, I delve into lessons I’ve learned from one of my favorite teachers and approaches ~ Gabor Maté and Compassionate Inquiry.

I explore his method as a facilitator, the importance of gaining consent, his views on addiction as attempts to solve suffering, and authenticity versus attachment. Reflecting on his teachings, I discuss the impact of the “still-face experiment” and how connection to self is crucial in our healing journeys. I’ll also share insights on over-functioning as a coping mechanism and Gabor’s perspective on thriving in a sick world. Join me as we reconnect with ourselves and each other.

00:00 Introduction to Gabor Maté and Compassionate Inquiry

00:45 Facilitation Techniques and Interruptions

02:37 The Role of Consent in Facilitation

03:07 Understanding Addiction and Suffering

06:56 The Still Face Experiment

10:23 Authenticity vs. Attachment

18:01 Overfunctioning and Coping Mechanisms

20:46 The Impact of a Sick World on Emotional Health

22:45 Present Moment Awareness and Self-Connection

The Still Face Experiment: https://youtu.be/YTTSXc6sARg?si=9a1-oDJfE69BESL-

Gabor Maté Website: https://drgabormate.com/

The Myth Of Normal: https://amzn.to/3zoVdmc

Compassionate Inquiry: https://compassionateinquiry.com/

* Visit: Website: /

* Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison /coachingwallison/

* Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview /ifs/

* Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

/unarmoredthebook/

https://www.tiktok.com/@allison_crow

https://www.instagram.com/allison_crow/

https://www.facebook.com/wildesgesofbeinghuman

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Unveiling the Invisible Outside and Inside: Understanding Systems and Coping Mechanisms

allisoncrow — Mon, 22 Apr 2024 17:48:32 +0000

In the intricate tapestry of our lives, there exists a phenomenon often overlooked but profoundly influential – invisible systems. Like silent puppeteers, these systems shape our thoughts, behaviors, and interactions without us even realizing their presence. And without even realizing it, we develop coping mechanisms to survive within the pressures of these systems.

The Existence of Invisible Systems

Did you know that invisible systems abound in our world From the moment of our birth, we are enmeshed in a web of unseen structures that dictate how we navigate our reality. Until we become aware of these systems, we are bound to respond with our own set of coping mechanisms – mechanisms designed to forge connections and avert rejection and disconnection. At first, these coping mechanisms work, and eventually, they begin to be more of a problem when one realized their authenticity has been left behind.

The Desire for Connection and Authenticity

At the core of our beings lies a deep-seated yearning to be loved and accepted. This innate desire drives us to seek authenticity, to be true to ourselves in a world governed by various invisible systems such as patriarchy, capitalism, familial structures, educational paradigms, and workplace dynamics. It starts young, even before you can speak.

Navigating the Invisible

It may not be immediately apparent, but these invisible systems wield significant influence over our lives. One key to reclaiming autonomy and authenticity is to unravel the intricacies of these systems. Once we start to recognize them, we cannot turn a blind eye. We are faced with a choice – to succumb to anger or to harness our understanding for growth.

Embracing Internal Family Systems

In our journey towards self-discovery and empowerment, one powerful modality emerges – Internal Family Systems. By delving into the complexities of our internal landscape, we uncover the facets of our sacred SELF and her wisdom for leading us from the inside out. This work helps us see our unconscious coping mechanisms, our benevolent wounded parts, and the protectors within. Through befriending these inner parts, we liberate ourselves from the hooks that tether us and learn to lead with authenticity.

Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison /coachingwallison

Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview: /ifs/

Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human /unarmoredthebook

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SELF-Trust Takes Time

allisoncrow — Mon, 15 Apr 2024 17:31:58 +0000

Self-trust takes time; it is a practice, not an event.

Navigating self-trust isn’t always easy. It’s about finding your footing amidst the pressures of fitting into the molds the world shapes for us—often at the expense of our authenticity.

Let’s talk people-pleasing. It’s a tune many of us dance to, a coping mechanism etched into our psyches from childhood. We all crave connection and acceptance. But beyond the superficial layers lies the question: Who are you, stripped of the thirst for approval

I’ve found that this takes self-awareness, deconstruction, and time rebuilding.

I’ve been delving into what society labels as “negative,” and it’s been a revelation – both internally and in the reactions of those around me.

“You’re too angry.”

“You’re too sad.”

“You’re too negative.”

“You’re too complainy.”

“You think too much.”

“You worry too much.”

“You judge too much.”

“Just let it go!!!”

Sound familiar We tend to shove these parts into dark corners, hoping they’ll disappear because we were taught to shame and exile them instead of caring for them. As children, unconsciously, we did what we could; we built coping skills to stay safe and belong. In childhood, those coping skills served us, but as adults, they need updating and re-working (not abandonment or exile).

As children, we tried to control these parts. As adults, it is more helpful to connect and relate with these parts of us.

Self-trust takes time on task being connected to, curious about, and compassionate with these parts of us, like building any trusting relationship. We can meet these parts and become curious and compassionate with them.

True surrender and SELF-trust aren’t about evading the struggle; they’re about embracing every facet of ourselves, even the ones we fear. They’re about being present for our anger, our anxiety, and our struggles without judgment.

Building self-trust is a journey of nurturing the relationship between our true selves and these often-overlooked parts. It’s about spending quality time with our shadows, acknowledging their presence, and finding peace within their chaos.

This journey isn’t always smooth sailing. Relationships built on pretense may crumble, leaving behind a sense of loss. Yet, through the cracks, we catch glimpses of our authentic selves, resilient and unapologetically real.

Each moment of wobble or struggle is an opportunity to strengthen your self-trust skills.

Ask yourself:

Who would you be if you trusted yourself wholeheartedly

What if I knew how to BE with any discomfort that came up

What if I never left myself, or any part of me again

And remember, clarity often emerges from the depths of our struggles, not just from moments of blissful meditation. Let building self-trust take time. You’ve got this.

More posts on Self Trust

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Bug Soup & Updates

Elyse Rich — Mon, 06 Nov 2023 16:49:08 +0000

Hello Hello Humans!

I feel like a little kid getting back on a bicycle,
It’s been a couple of months since I podcasted.

Bug Soup is the time during chrysalis when the caterpillar disintegrates and devolves
and physically, materially turns into an gooey mess before it regenerates into the butterflies that bless us all.

It’s a metaphor for a stage of creation and a stage of life.

Who else is in and has been in Bug Soup?

I have been for quite some time.

It feels like whack a mole and it is just life.

I just want to acknowledge the humanity of seasons of Bug Soup no matter what causes them.

Love,

Allison

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Resources:

Visit: Website: www.allisoncrow.com
Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison
Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview
Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

The post Bug Soup & Updates appeared first on Allison Crow.

If You Can’t Lead Clients with SELF-TRUST What is the Real Agenda in Coaching?

allisoncrow — Mon, 23 Oct 2023 17:17:40 +0000

A few months ago, I was offered a partnership as the VP of a newly organized and practically guaranteed-to-be profitable corporate coaching company.

It was flattering, of course, as my years of expertise and effectiveness as a coach were what had this person want me for the position.

Obviously, I didn’t take the position. While I’m sure the coaching company will do great things and help many people, I had two questions for the CEO before even going down the path to considering this role:

1. Can I put the CLIENT first in my coaching, or would I have to put the company first?

2. Would I have to filter myself, or could I be fully me?

Without even a spoken word, it became a clear NO for both of us.

I’m sure I’ve lost position and profit, over and over, because SELF-TRUST must come first, both for me and for my clients.

#selfconnection and #selftrust are skills – they are learned and practiced. And most of the systems around you are teaching you the opposite – to bend to the will of giving away your power and sovereignty.

You know more than you think you do; you have the wisdom within. Cultivate those skills of #selfconnection and #selftrust.

Love,
💛 Allison

Podcast Episodes on Self Trust:

SELF-Trust & Invisible Systems

Coping Skills & Self-Trust

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