Photos: The ACA Bill of Rights. The photos are of my handwritten version, and you can find the pdf version on the ACA website. The second photo is my visual reminder to be clear on what is mine and what is not.

The problem with BE LOVE for recovering people pleasers.
Asking a recovering people pleaser and recovering over -functioner- to BE LOVE for other people is like asking an alcoholic to drink. An alcoholic uses alcohol to cope, but the people pleaser uses fawning, over-functioning, high achievement, and being pleasing to cope. We do this subconsciously to manipulate our experience of the world…and are rewarded for it in many ways. Many of us have lost out authentic selves in service of BE LOVE.

When a beloved recently shared with me the ACA Bill of Rights – It was all there so clearly – it struck me deeply as rights I would like to internalize and embody. Most of these rights I never gave myself – because people-pleasing worked for me from a very young age. Being the “good girl” worked for me. These were my unconscious coping skills.

These coping skills worked until they didn’t. The unbecoming and unlearning is a process. Becoming the sovereign and boundaried me is a process. I share because many of my clients and many of you are in the unbecoming of old patterns and finding your sovereignty and authentic SELF.

And the TRUEST way for recovering people pleasers to contribute love to the world, is to turn the LOVE inward – to all of our parts. This is a skill we need to develop and practice – insight is not enough.

I call this SELF-CENTERED (the exact thing many of us were told not to be). When I am centered in the love and SELF-leadership of all my parts, then my being contributes love to everyone in my orbit.

I hope this helps.
I know seeing it clearly spelled out helps me.

💛 Allison

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Thanks for spreading the word about The Better Life Better Work Show.  And of course, I love your Social Media Mentions and Shares with #BetterLifeBetterWork @allison_crow on Instagram. @allicrow on twitter and Allison Crow on Facebook.  

And, if you’d like to be a master student of Better Life and Better Work, I invite you to join me in the Soul-Full Success School for Life and Biz ~ My exquisite membership community where connection, coaching, teaching and most of all, YOU, matter. 

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I’ve spent most of 2016 in the deep recesses of my heart. I recently had to admit, my depression was back.

It has been messy, uncomfortable, painful – I’ve squirmed and wrestled.

I’ve cried more tears and experienced more deep depression and anxiety than I have in over 20 years.

BUT I KNEW…. I had to go there. I had to feel and acknowledge it all. I had to stop pressing the dark places down. For me, this is what depression is.  The pressing down of all the things I don’t want to feel.  And so I don’t feel — but that presses down the joy too.

So I went there.  Down into the portal of the shadow.

And once in the deep underbelly of my darkest shadows…. something magical happened.

Letting myself feel the rage, the loss, the panic, the same, the fear, the hatred, has lifted the weight and cleaned me out It’s like a soul colonic.
I was held by a lovely shaman of death and rebirth- and the election was the inducement of my labor. But I made it out alive and feeling new again.

Darlings, the only way out is through.  Give yourself permission to stop de-pressing it all down, and find a safe place to feel it all. 

#heartpath #shadowwork #deephealing

#womenscircle #expressivearts #deathandrebirth

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How does that make your body feel Seriously, check in….feel, is there lightness and excitement, or is there constriction and a pit of nausea in your tummy.  Either one is ok, and if you feel a constriction, keep reading.  Or if you just want to hear a fun story.

I’m here to tell you there is another way.

When I was a school teacher (yes for 5 years in a small Catholic school in ATX), I was asked to be the coach of the 7/8th grade boy’s basketball team. There was an A-Team that was all about results and achievement. And the B Team- well, we just were out to have fun and do a good job. I practiced with my team, I coached more than basketball to these young men. I coached life and heart and soul.

My guys LOVED being on my team. We won. We had fun. The A-Team guys were drawn to us. They would come and tell me, Coach Crow, I wanna be on your team. I asked why and was met with answers about the energy and fun we were having. And how there just wasn’t that crushing pressure to perform…. and we were winning. I wasn’t an ass coach, firm, boundaried, but willing to smile and enjoy or experience that season.

This morning I’m thinking about what I want for my work, for my life. I’ve re-read my Sacred Fool card (a guiding energy for me -about accessing lightness of spirit, wisdom, and heart, being powerful without being obsessed with power, permission to be fully myself, and the ability to be free).

What I don’t want: Striving, hustle, constriction, comparisonitis, overachieving, exhaustion, panic attacks at 1 or 4 am.

What is it about this life that we are conditioned to NEXT ourselves. Next, Next, Next. Like there is some station to get to on this journey of life. And if we happen to get somewhere…we must get to the NEXT LEVEL, or the NEXT phase.

Nexting makes me feel constriction.
Unfolding feels yummy.

And then there is always the tax bill. I realize that the story I make up in my mind about the annual tax bill is a TRIGGER for me stepping into NEXTING. And since 2003 when I’ve had my first big ass tax bill instead of a refund, I’ve always managed to create the money for the tax bill. It is ALWAYS created.

Being a coach, and into personal growth is wrought with Nexting, and expansion, and growth, and getting to the next level.

I’m not gonna lie, the last 3 years of my work have been the MOST fun and profitable and easy. Before then I efforted and strove, and created, and served, and strategized, and coached, and planned and implemented and hustled –until my soul was dreary and parched. And then… I started painting. Playing.

It was like the B-Team all over again. Let’s do a good job, have fun, be playful, and create —

More is not better, better is better. And every day I’m tempted to MORE, to NEXT. My mind is a little fucker….poking at me with it’s knowledge and skill and insatiable thirst for more.

And my spirit is loving what is.

One day, my husband told me: “Allison, you know I chose you and love you because you are into personal and spiritual growth. And… You work soooo hard at it. I don’t work at it at all, and I still grow.” Dang, he is right. Just like nature — the trees don’t hustle yet they still grow. The flowers don’t NEXT and they still bloom.

I want to be like nature and flow and not like the machine I was or am tempted to be. I don’t’ mind inspired work and action and I must choose unfolding instead of NEXTING. And there is a fine line. I’m not talking sitting on the couch having bonbons….and waiting for life to show up. And I am talking about dreaming and playing and following the feel good of inspired action and spontaneous creation.

Being prosperous is important to me. Being well and happy is important to me. And I’m determined to listen within instead of to mass media and the majority of my coachy/online biz facebook feed. I’m figuring out how to do that one day at a time.

There is NOTHING wrong with the A-Team — I’m just not That hungry. It is breaking my body, my spirit to even try to be on the A team anymore.  I am enough.  BE Team… I’m in.  All In.   To each his or her own.

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Something I feel vulnerable sharing… And will probably write more about soon. BURNOUT and DEPRESSION.

How can a gal who has a few calls a day, makes art, chills by the pool, and hangs with her hubby and dogs and has amazing clients be smacked with burnout and depression??

I’m used to the depression, having been clinically diagnosed at 23 and managing it effectively since then. Leaving KW and going out on my own helped tons mostly because being my own boss and free to be fully me, meant I could daily BE me — and in spiritual, mental, and emotional, and soul-work alignment.

What stumped me was the burnout. Burnout is similar to depression but usually is totally work related. So how could a woman who have so much ease, fun, and joy in her work experience burn out?

It can happen to anyone. Our bodies and spirits are not machines. While we are pressed into a culturally-conditioned, goal-oriented, and linear society— in fact… We spiritual beings having a human experience are creatures of energy and nature. Our beings require a different kind of cycle.

I require a different kind of cycle. I’ve spent the last few years working and living from a more divine feminine place. More egg less sperm. More ebb and flow and less strive and drive. More TO FEEL lists and less TO DO lists. And I’ve had the 2 most sensational personal and professional years of my life.

And somehow, slowly and gradually, the old muscle memory of strive and drive quietly snuck back in.

#1 reason- I stopped my naps.
# 2 reason- loss and grief. Leaving hometown, loss of beloved pets and changes in relationships with once dear friends.

I didn’t really think about how much this affected me deep within. It left my energy reserves slim… While I noticed and experiences those things— I left out the sacred step of HONOR.

Honoring my body and spirits need for sleep (napping is a major reboot of my energy- especially intuitive system. It is a refueling for me at the Divine Filling Station).

Honoring grief. Well I certainly felt and cried and experienced my grief over my dogs and changed friendships. And sometimes I’m too effing smart and coachy for my own good. This can lead to an intellectual or spiritual bypass of what is really going on. What was going on was that I had a broken heart.

Whew. You know what it felt like to be both burned out and depressed?

Void. Lonely- but no desire or energy to connect.
Disinterest in anything and everything that I dearly loved. Only the dogs survived that isolation.
Exhausting.
Uninspired.
Mentally like Swiss cheese. Holes in my normally crystal clear thinking.
Then came the confusion and shame.
How could I be like this shouldn’t a nap fix it?
Am I going to blow my business up?
Holy crap…. This must be bad if I HATE faceBOOK. Maybe I took on to much. (Um no Allison 72 clients at KW was fucking too much).
Is this just an ebb The flow will come back— meditate, paint, make love to your man, enjoy the dogs, make money blah blah blah.

Forget it. I simply felt empty, helpless and hopeless.

The one thing that kept me from going insane (other than my standard meds) was knowing with all my being that Spirit loves me and life is happening FOR me. And the flow always comes back.

I did hire an amazing divine feminine mentor to just hold me.

And daily My BFF and husband just let me be me- never withdrawing their distance or love or delivering judgement.

I had clients at my house a few weeks ago… And as they left…. I went up to my room and crashed. The next day I had to work because I hadn’t protected my calendar (spotty-thinking).

My last call of the day was with Chris, my loving coach and I just asked her to hold me and my energy and lead me in a soothing meditation.
It felt sooooo uncomfortable to ask for help and tenderness like that. I literally imagined myself curling up in a pile of pillows in her lap and letting her sing/meditate me to sleep. And sleep I did. For 3 days.

I cleared my calendar and unplugged 90% from email and social media for 7 days.

That is when I realized I was actually burned out and depressed combined.

Feeling my feelings and asking for space and support were the portals that began to bring me back to the surface.

And then… Just like that…. The deep haze parted and my mojo came back. My heart smiled again. The first day was just a peek — and today evidence of the full flow was everywhere.

Why do I tell you all this It feels risky. It feels risky because of the roles I am in. Because I am the coach and shama. I am the giver of soul-medicine and inspiration and love…. Because my clients invest huge sums of money to be held. And I was empty and weak.

I share this because I know from past experience…that my imperfections are also sometimes the perfect soul medicine for my clients, and maybe for you.

You amazing creature, Divine One… Are not alone.

Burnout is serious. Depression is serious and both are robbers of spirit that won’t be ignored. They must be respected and held with honor of they are to make way for the light and flow again.

If this resonates at all… Research burn out and depression and get help. Ask for help. And rest. And slowthefuckdown. SLOW. THE. FUCK. DOWN.

I love you. I love me. And I’m happy to say…. Turns Out it was Burn Out…. But Baby I’m BAAAACK!

The post Something I’m Nervous to Share: Turns Out It Was Burn Out appeared first on Allison Crow.

I’m not a rule breaker, really, I’m a rule maker.

Last weekend I spent time with 40 other stellar coaches.   Each of us gave a talk to share a message or our gifts with the world.  

If you haven’t seen it…I want to share it with you, not because I strip down to my skivvies…(I do)…

but because I want YOU to hear the message and be inspired to be more fully YOU! 

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How will you get your Light out in to the world How will you share YOU!  Go Shine StarHeart, Go Shine!

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