Releasing Resistance Archives - Allison Crow

Take Time to Look (& Listen)

allisoncrow — Wed, 21 May 2025 15:32:36 +0000

The last thing I want to do when life feels SLOW is slow down even more. Many months ago, I came across this painting by Sarah Bamford Seidelmann. It landed in my feed, and I instantly purchased a wood print from her. It has been over my left shoulder, helping me remember who I am, since I unpacked it.

“Take time to look,” said Georgia O’Keeffe. My own brain also added, “Take time to listen.”

The impossible standards conditioned into my brain expected insight and direction in a flash. My soul knows better, but that did not stop so many parts of me from being irritated, frustrated, self-blaming & shaming, and even afraid.

The vision, the next, the path… has been right here all along in dozens of tiny puzzle pieces. Thirty years ago, soul seeds were planted when I discovered the work of Thomas Moore in a Boulder, Colorado bookstore.

I KNEW.
I’ve always known, and of course, like many of us do, I’ve been distracted in the living of life, in the unbecoming of my training, and in the gaining of wisdom that only experience can bring. Of course, this had to wait until my 3rd Act.

It’s all here.
No big flash today, just stepping forward into the re-enchantment of everyday life from a grounded, weathered, and strangely confident place.

I’ve always known and now it’s time to harvest what has been reblooming all along.

“The Re-Enchantment of Everyday Life” gave me permission to have a diverse portfolio of interests and expertise from my early 20s. A scholar, teacher, counselor, psychologist, spiritual student, poet, artist, writer, another kind of mother, and tender of souls in life and work.
“The Education of the Hear t” and “Elemental Self.” (All by Thomas More and all on my shelf for 25-30 years).

My own company, Soul-Full Living, LLC – although my business has evolved over the years, SOUL-FULL remains the guiding path. SELF connection and trust amidst an enticing and distracting world are still the fuel.

The Great Work of Your Life by Stephen Cope, and my own book Unarmored: Finding Home in the Wild Edges of Being Human.

I could list 132 more puzzle pieces that have come together to undoubtedly show me that my mission is in moments, not in moonshots or impact.

In a world of volatility, uncertainty, and complexity, being connected to self, source, and the present moment matters. Intentional living, community, and expression of creativity, poetry, nature, caring conversations, and everyday enchantment – this is the world I am committed to creating.

Take time to look. Take time to listen. Trust yourself. Let it take time.

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Midlife Can Cause Your Confidence to Wobble: Here’s Why and What to Do About It

allisoncrow — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 19:06:38 +0000

Feeling Like You’ve Lost Your Confidence in Midlife It can be discombobulating. Here’s Why—and What to Do About It.

It’s not uncommon to feel a loss of confidence, especially during times of transition, change, or stress.

What we call “confidence” in the past was often rooted in external validation or 💛a sense of control over familiar circumstances. When life shifts—whether through age, relationships, career changes, or personal growth—it can feel like that foundation crumbles, leaving us questioning ourselves.

Here’s why this might be happening and some steps to start reconnecting with your confidence:

What Happened?

External Confidence Was Shaken: Confidence often stems from skills, roles, or identities that feel secure. If those shift—like your job changing, kids leaving home, or your body aging—it’s natural to feel unsteady.
Internal Growth Can Be Unsettling: Personal growth often brings self-awareness. You might notice patterns, like people-pleasing or perfectionism, that kept you going but were never sustainable. Letting go of those coping mechanisms can feel like losing your “edge.”
Midlife Health or Neurodivergence May Amplify Self-Doubt: Shifts in hormones, energy, or brain patterns (like ADHD or Autism traits) can make you feel disconnected from the way you used to operate.
Societal Pressure: There’s often pressure to “have it all figured out” at this stage of life. Feeling unsure can lead to self-doubt, especially if you compare yourself to others.

Here are some of the ways to rebuild self-confidence from the inside out in midlife:

💛True confidence comes from self-trust, not performing or pleasing. Begin to ask: What do I value What feels right for me now?
💛Practice honoring small inner nudges—this builds trust in yourself.
💛Lean Into Curiosity, Not Perfection: You don’t have to “get it all back.” Instead, ask: What feels intriguing, energizing, or joyful Confidence grows when you allow yourself to experiment and learn without harsh judgment.
💛Build Body Confidence Through Regulation: Confidence often starts in the body. Try grounding practices like walking, dancing, or slow breathing to bring calm and connection back into your physical self.
💛Tend to Self-Compassion: Talk to yourself the way you would a friend who’s lost their footing. Remind yourself that feeling uncertain is part of being human, not a sign of failure.
💛 Reconnect With Purpose: Ask: What feels meaningful What small actions can I take today to move toward that Confidence grows when we align our actions with what matters most.
💛 Limit Comparisons: Your path is unique. Comparing yourself to others is like comparing apples to oranges. Focus on your growth and values instead.

This stage of life isn’t about “getting back” to who you used to be—it’s about embracing the opportunity to become someone even more grounded, wise, and authentic. Confidence will come naturally as you build self-trust and honor your evolving self.

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We Can’t Learn When We Are In A Reactive State

allisoncrow — Thu, 27 Jun 2024 13:54:52 +0000

There is an OBVIOUS inflamed and injured nervous system state – with an obvious acute injury. We can see and soften when the injury is obvious. Oh wow!! Your arm got sliced off. That’s gonna take some time to heal- and we can conjure compassion for the obvious wound.

MANY of the people I come to work with have a chronically inflamed and overstimulated nervous system. Years of inner wounds and pain build up. Imagine a really severe sunburn from the inside that you can’t see. Even the slightest touch or poke can cause seemingly extreme reactions and outbursts- and then, because we have an extreme reaction that doesn’t seem to make sense- we pile on the self-shame – adding to the injury.

Burns take time to heal.

There is NO cognitive solution when our insides are severely raw from decades of coping mechanisms that look good on the outside but are wound on the inside.

Soft, space, slow, decompression, and regulation—this is what needs to happen, but we have overstimulating everyday life to attend to. It’s not easy. Our coping skills are applauded and rewarded—there is no 12-step program or rehab for them. So we have to, in our injured and inflamed state, find just a tiny anchor of somatic respite and softness and nurture that as often as we can.

Slow.

Soft.

Space.

Even the tiniest bit to start.

And having a soft person to support you helps tremendously.

It can take time. It’s not done in an insight. It’s done in the safety built over time.

The world can be hard… even the everyday subtleties…. Can wear us thin.

I’ve got you.

We won’t be in this phase forever. The new ways of being will come- but for now- slow and soft is fast.

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Life is Suffering – And Hummingbirds

allisoncrow — Wed, 19 Jul 2023 15:06:14 +0000

Life is suffering – AND.

Yup – both and again.

You know those plastic shit hummingbird feeders The ones that need to be cleaned every week because they can get moldy and kill the birds The ones that make a big sugary mess in your kitchen and all the way back out to the yard when changing over the water The ones that get brittle in the 100-degree plus temps and ultimately crack?

Here’s what works better.
Scorched wildflowers. Death in the garden.

This spring, the wildflower garden was all a/bloom – epic in her color and textures. And now, the heat has made a mess of tall-reaching-for-water-sticks with dead heads begging to be trimmed into something not so ugly……

And just like life – dead flower heads present an offering. We’re so prone to hate the suffering and the ugly, but the ugly brings seeds.

While you run with that metaphor, I will tell you literally who is thriving in the scorched earth of my dead wildflowers- the hummingbirds.

A few dozen every day, at all times of the day, are finding sustenance in something I regard as done, dead, and an eyesore.

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The Practice of Connection over Control

Elyse Rich — Mon, 10 Jul 2023 13:54:57 +0000

Episode 203 – The Practice of Connection over Control

Another road riff episode!

It’s Sunday morning, 8:23 am as I record this and I’m heading out to my therapeutic horseback riding lessons. After a difficult week, I’ve got some insights and lessons settling into my bones. There might be a few tears!

Y’all know everything has an analogy, right?
It’s not even an analogy, life just repeats itself in so many patterns and I see and experience the patterns and love sharing these connections with you – so that we can all SELF-connect a bit more deeply in our lives. (PS…seeing and making connections is an ADHD thing).

Today’s episode topic is control or connection and the lessons the horses and life are teaching me.

The skills of connection over control and protection are new for many of us and they require compassionate practice.

Time on task gives us the experience of moving from controlling a situation to connecting and moving through it.
It takes us from trying to do something to becoming one with doing something. I hope you enjoy the episode – from my tender heart to yours.

Love,

Allison Crow

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Resources:

Elizabeth Gilbert: Creative Living Beyond Fear

Website and things to see and read
1:1 Coaching
Book you will love: Unarmored: Finding Home in the Wild Edges of Being Human

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On the Front Porch with Protective Parts

allisoncrow — Tue, 20 Jun 2023 14:36:48 +0000

As a trained #internalfamilysystems coach (vs. a therapist) who works with very smart,

head-led, and strategic business owners – we do a ton of what I call

Front porch work.

My specific amazing clients have protectors & internal that use fierce but publicly rewarded coping mechanisms like #peoplepleasing #overachieving #overfunctioning #intellectualizing #awareness #caregiving #overthinking #anxiety and #strategizing. My clients often also have strong #innercritics and #perfection & #highstandards.

These are awesome and valuable skills.

Our goal is not to get rid of them but instead create an inner and physical (not just intellectual) trusting relationship with these parts- to learn from them, listen to their wisdom, and be in a different relationship with them. When we do- they relax a little & no longer OVERperform to exhaustion.

We spend time in connection and curiosity on the front porch – so to speak. Before we try to “go inside”.

We spend time together to create attunement, and attunement opens op connection and connection creates access to our natural #selfenergy. It’s a beautiful thing to sit on the front porch and facilitate these relationships in my clients’ inner systems. And it makes going even deeper inside almost natural.

Not all #ifscoaching is exactly like this- this is just what I see in my personal style as a coach and in my specific niche of clients.

You, at anytime, can sit on your own inner front porch and give your inner parts more love and connection, not less.

Allison.

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You Forget. It’s Not Your Fault & Here is What to do About it.

allisoncrow — Wed, 07 Jun 2023 14:53:02 +0000

Because you are human, because you live in a society whose systems are set up to make you forget – remembering can be your most vital practice.

Seriously, you aren’t broken; you’ve done nothing wrong – our systems literally are built on you out-sourcing your self-trust and remembering. When you forget, you give away power and buy stuff you don’t need without thinking. (I love buying stuff I don’t need – with clear intention).

Because you are engaged in life and work and smart as fuck, your mind and mental managers like to move fast through your ideas. Sometimes they get congested and confused. That’s normal.

If you knew that you would regularly – as in super often – FORGET who you BE What ritual could you set up so that you REMEMBER who you are?

. . .Because from that place, everything works with more lube. Flow has space to flow from the remembering.

And remembering doesn’t just happen. That’s why you suffer. We have to cultivate it.

You are not alone, dear human. Even though happy, and excited, and clear, I could feel a sense of forgetting when I sat down at the desk today – and my pre-planned ritual of journaling and writing with a SELF-ENERGY focus – brought me back to remembering. I won’t share the top half of that page quite yet (maybe someday -as you know, I’m pretty unfiltered)…but where I ended up, because of the daily practice, was in the remembering, and now I am able, from my heart to be here for you, and to gently take the next steps of my day.

Love, Your Favorite Life Coach.

Allison

I hope you remember.

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Flow Missing Do this First – It Works Every Time

allisoncrow — Wed, 31 May 2023 14:58:22 +0000

You are brilliant, accomplished, able, and driven with a caring heart.

And sometimes your brain runs faster than your body. (Mine is doing that this morning).

Overthinking and anxiety happen when we are going so fast that the body gets left behind. I know you have tons on your plate, families to take care of, work to get done, clients to create, a dog to walk, and so much more.

Slowing down doesn’t logically make sense to your thinking parts. AND IT IS WHAT WORKS.

Give yourself the SELF Connection that opens the channel of flow – you know that flow; I’ve seen you in it. That space where you remember who you BE, and everything works from there. It’s as if magic starts to happen.

Your thinking parts forget this. So we have to choose to create connection and attunement to our own core SELF.

Do this first.

Listen to the Latest Podcast Episodes:

PS: Thanks for helping me make my new book Unarmored: Finding Home in the Wild Edges of Being Human a best seller in 5 categories! I LOVE seeing the actual book in your hands and being tagged on Socials! Thank you!

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Roy Fucking Kent and Oscar the Grouch – My Muses

allisoncrow — Thu, 13 Apr 2023 14:53:30 +0000

I’ve been experimenting with something entirely new on behalf of ALL my parts. Especially the ones I’ve suppressed most of my life. I always imagined that I was a bit like Ted Lasso- but I think the real me is more Roy Fucking Kent.

A few months ago, I let myself have a new reaction to my irritations. Instead of judging myself, I’m actually creating beautiful and miraculous results by pursuing, flirting with, and referring to my irritation.

Roy Kent and Oscar the Grouch are my idols. Totally irritated. Totally pure.

I signed up for a conference a few months ago- for a guy that bugs the shit out of me. I get so dang charged when I see his content. I bought his book. I threw it in the recycled bin last year. And this season- I let my irritation decide. And she bought a ticket to his event- not to tear him down- but to see what we could learn through our irritation.

Oi!

If you don’t watch tv – I’m probably not your gal.

@sesamestreet For a second there we thought Oscar had met his match! #BrettGoldstein #OscartheGrouch #SesameStreet ♬ original sound – sesamestreet

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Another Kind Of Mother

allisoncrow — Thu, 13 Apr 2023 14:25:30 +0000

Maiden – Mother – Crone.

Tone: Deep contentment with a grandmother smile.

As I enter the crone years of my life – many past griefs are resurfacing in dreams and intrusive thoughts. I call them pebble dreams – because they are smaller now, not like the avalanche of boulder dreams I had as I entered my 40s.

It’s as if those old wounds, mostly processed and held years ago, come to pop in one more time to remind me of the sum of my story so far. Those stones changed the direction of the life I thought I would have.

This morning, a book I was reading asked me this profound question, “What has life entrusted to me#8221;

I’m going to really marinate on what my answer is – and the first thing that popped into my thoughts was what life didn’t entrust to me that I thought it would.

I am 51. I have never been pregnant. Ever.

For the first 32 years of my life – I thought I wanted 5 kids. A giant gaggle of children all close in age like my mother had.

I thought my career would be wife and mom and maybe mentor to college-age women who wanted to be a wife and mom. It was extreme – and born out of the sheltered religious norms of my childhood communities. I also thought I would marry a man in khaki pants and boots with a business suit and a ranch for us to go to on the weekends.

Peel away the religion – which I do not miss; simply, I never had a child or children of my own. At some point, this became a conscious choice. My ego wanted a child – one that looked like Bill and me – tall with a big forehead and thick hair and probably good at basketball and writing, and a girl, only a girl. That’s how I knew my soul was not here to have a child.

There is both freedom and clarity – and a pang of grief.

Life entrusted me with something entirely different. Something I didn’t know I could or would want when I was a child or young woman. Life entrusted me to be another kind of mother. My love and legacy live in way more family trees than my own. I have mentored thousands of mothers and fathers and born a thousand children and sent them off to live and thrive in the world once they came to maturity, and now I am a grandmother of these.

Now I only wonder who will be at my bedside when I cross over to the other side.

What has life entrusted to you?

Photo: Marmaduke & Allison 1972

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