As a coach- my clients often hear me say:

 

You can accept, modify, or reject

I’ll lay this idea/suggestion on the table, and you can pick it up or leave it there.

The post Do your Leaders Invite You to Self Trust Like Rick Rubin (And Me) appeared first on Allison Crow.

Navigating self-trust isn’t always easy. It’s about finding your footing amidst the pressures of fitting into the molds the world shapes for us—often at the expense of our authenticity.

Let’s talk people-pleasing. It’s a tune many of us dance to, a coping mechanism etched into our psyches from childhood. We all crave connection and acceptance. But beyond the superficial layers lies the question: Who are you, stripped of the thirst for approval

I’ve found that this takes self-awareness, deconstruction, and time rebuilding.

I’ve been delving into what society labels as “negative,” and it’s been a revelation – both internally and in the reactions of those around me.

“You’re too angry.”

“You’re too sad.”

“You’re too negative.”

“You’re too complainy.”

“You think too much.”

“You worry too much.”

“You judge too much.”

“Just let it go!!!”

Sound familiar We tend to shove these parts into dark corners, hoping they’ll disappear because we were taught to shame and exile them instead of caring for them.  As children, unconsciously, we did what we could; we built coping skills to stay safe and belong.  In childhood, those coping skills served us, but as adults, they need updating and re-working (not abandonment or exile).

As children, we tried to control these parts.  As adults, it is more helpful to connect and relate with these parts of us.

Self-trust takes time on task being connected to, curious about, and compassionate with these parts of us, like building any trusting relationship.  We can meet these parts and become curious and compassionate with them. 

True surrender and SELF-trust aren’t about evading the struggle; they’re about embracing every facet of ourselves, even the ones we fear. They’re about being present for our anger, our anxiety, and our struggles without judgment.

Building self-trust is a journey of nurturing the relationship between our true selves and these often-overlooked parts. It’s about spending quality time with our shadows, acknowledging their presence, and finding peace within their chaos.

This journey isn’t always smooth sailing. Relationships built on pretense may crumble, leaving behind a sense of loss. Yet, through the cracks, we catch glimpses of our authentic selves, resilient and unapologetically real.

Each moment of wobble or struggle is an opportunity to strengthen your self-trust skills.  

Ask yourself:

Who would you be if you trusted yourself wholeheartedly

What if I knew how to BE with any discomfort that came up

What if I never left myself, or any part of me again

And remember, clarity often emerges from the depths of our struggles, not just from moments of blissful meditation. Let building self-trust take time.  You’ve got this. 

• More posts on Self Trust

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“When I realized my pain came from wanting to be liked, I began to love myself. When I realised my pain came from wanting to be acknowledged, I started to see who I really was…”

This poem by Tanya Markul is a beautiful expression of the work we do in IFS and IFS coaching. We learn to self-lead, to self-regulate, and what it means to truly self-love.

Big love for you and all parts of you.

 

Your favorite life coach,

Allison

(pink flower or pink heart on any of my posts represents – be soft with the hard).

The post Tanya Markul Poem That Says So Much appeared first on Allison Crow.

We spend time in connection and curiosity on the front porch – so to speak. Before we try to “go inside”.

 

We spend time together to create attunement, and attunement opens op connection and connection creates access to our natural #selfenergy. It’s a beautiful thing to sit on the front porch and facilitate these relationships in my clients’ inner systems. And it makes going even deeper inside almost natural.

 

Not all #ifscoaching is exactly like this- this is just what I see in my personal style as a coach and in my specific niche of clients.

 

You, at anytime, can sit on your own inner front porch and give your inner parts more love and connection, not less.

Allison.

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Most of my “Inner System” and parts use verbal language to communicate and are easy to see and know. This part grunts from time to time (a bit like Roy Kent) with disapproval.
Her grunts translated into words are:

😡You are doing it wrong.
😡If you don’t get it done, you’ll be left.
😡You should do more.

😡If you slow down, you will evaporate into the void of nothing, NOTHING. ]
😡 You need to manage this shit because no one else can.

She was brought into my system by being exposed to high-demand religion and systemic patriarchy communities from 1st grade – 25 years old.

I feel the weight of her hard-on-me-ness in the muscles around my scapula. Sometimes I feel her in my clenched jaw.
For the first time, I turn directly to her and say, “Hello, Hard-On-Me, I see you. I am here for you, ” Keeping my distance but communicating my presence with my belly and heart.

She’s not falling for it, and that’s ok. She sees me as 15 years old. And that’s ok too.

She is one of my primary protectors. ALWAYS on. Not like many of my other parts who come and go. She rare

ly sleeps.

I can sense her desire for connection but her fear of dropping her guard. That’s ok, too.

It’s a start.
A connected start.
A connected start plants a seed of softness and presence without asking too much.
Trust must be built first, and trust takes time.
_______
We are all made of multitudes, and because we are human, some of these parts are gripping outdated means and organizing our lives for our protection, which is no longer needed. But we’ve been taught to override these parts, ignore them, and shove them down.

There is another way. It involves new skills. And gentle time on task. And it leads to that inner softness and genuine grounded confidence. Moving through the world less encumbered.
This is the work I do in myself and that I help my 1:1 clients do.
💛

#selfleadership #internalfamilysystems #allpartswelcome

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Scripture, in the traditional sense, only ever oppressed me, but writing every single day, exploring the words in my own being and putting them on paper is what set me free.

The post My Words are a Lamp and a Light appeared first on Allison Crow.

Roy Kent and Oscar the Grouch are my idols. Totally irritated. Totally pure.

 

@sesamestreet For a second there we thought Oscar had met his match! #BrettGoldstein #OscartheGrouch #SesameStreet ♬ original sound – sesamestreet

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If I’m too much- go find less.

 

, Allison 

 

The post You Think Too Much appeared first on Allison Crow.

 

From an IFS lens:

all parts have benevolent intent managers are trying to control life so we don’t feel pain

they run daily life and give us the illusion of safety and control.

 

Many of my thinking parts are managers scrambling for certainty in an uncertain world. It’s been said that “all thinking is parts.” We must remember that the goal is not to eliminate parts but lead them with attuned love.

 

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Current Hard:

 

In my current facebook memories – are the promos and images for the course I used to teach called Share Your Heart: Show Your Work – a delightful and helpful course about authentic marketing on social media. The course was reverse-engineered from what delightfully worked for me in the first 7 years of moving my business online after leaving corporate.

 

For most of that time, it was effortless – truly 98% spontaneous overflow of my precious yellow heart .

And that Sharing My Heart and Showing My Work allowed you all to get to know me – and many of you – hundreds – stepped forward to work with me in some way. It never felt like selling.

 

Recently, I have inner parts that are overwhelmed and irritated, and deeply sad about the extreme parts of crappy capitalism. My brain can’t unsee the patterns of greed. I, like many of you, often feel the burnout of crappy capitalism and the burnout of shitty social media. And yet, here I am, a capitalist, selling a high-fee service – a luxury. And my revenue has become reliant on me “Sharing My Heart and Showing My Work.”

 

Of course, instead of letting it rest, I wrestle and inquire with that repulsion; I judge myself and become hard on myself – not mean, but certainly, I put pressure to come to a conclusion.

 

What do I truly desire?

What would feel fun?

What obligations could I release?

What if I didn’t give SO much..what if I let less be more.

What’s possible in business and networking relationships away from social media?

What in the garden of my business is ready to be uprooted and released, what just needs some pruning, and what needs to be planted, anew?

 

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