Alignment Archives - Allison Crow

Emotions, ADHD & Motivation – A Convergence of Ideas

Elyse Rich — Sun, 30 Jul 2023 22:50:02 +0000

Emotions, ADHD & Motivation – A Convergence of Ideas

Hi Y’all!

I’ve been meaning to do an ADHD podcast for over a year and I saw this quote today by Tami Simon from Sounds True,

“Sometimes only the answer is found through living life.”

When I give myself the time and space to live life, the connections reveal themselves. And unmixing my internalized-for-51-years identity as it overlaps with ADHD has been a bit of a rumble for me lately.

While not solely about ADHD, I have had some recent insights that really landed as I continue on my learning and practicing of IFS, some deeper study of the Enneagram (because those dang test never tell me the same number). This episode is a grand convergence of ideas connecting emotions, ADHD, and motivation–seen from a deeper than usual lens.

Love,

Allison

The Enneagram Insights I’ve gained have been from listening to Suzanne Stabile’s podcast, The Enneagram Journey, and reading her book The Path Between Us.
I’m also reading Sari Solden’s Book (the revised and expanded version) Women With Attention Deficit Disorder Embrace Your Differences and Transform Your Life

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Visit: Website: www.allisoncrow.com
Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison
Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview
Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

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Tanya Markul Poem That Says So Much

allisoncrow — Fri, 14 Jul 2023 14:07:43 +0000

“When I realized my pain came from wanting to be liked, I began to love myself. When I realised my pain came from wanting to be acknowledged, I started to see who I really was…”

This poem by Tanya Markul is a beautiful expression of the work we do in IFS and IFS coaching. We learn to self-lead, to self-regulate, and what it means to truly self-love.

Many of us spend most of our lives attempting to regulate others. When our protectors are leading, we are masking and maneuvering to be liked and to belong – and there is NOTHING wrong with you – that’s actually innate biology. See how babies – with no vocabulary or logic are learning and responding at the attunement level to stay connected.

We learn to disconnect from ourselves and then live in those patterns subconsciously until we can learn and practice being the primary support and care we’ve always needed; PRACTICE IS KEY, and time on task so that our body’s muscle memory and the cells in our being get it.

We also can’t get rid of these protective parts, but that’s what we’re taught to do – control it away. What works and seems counter-intuitive is connection and the very attunement we were seeking as babies and children.

It is time to learn to SELF-regulate, to SELF-lead.

This is the awkward work my clients and I are doing. In the context of whatever life is handing them )biz, family, relationship, children) we are learning new ways of BEING WITH and leading these activated (an no longer working) parts.

If you would like to do this messy, awkward, both awesome, and hard as fuck work to really get to know and meet and trust all parts of you, I have 4 more spots on my roster. I’m primarily working with people in year-long agreements right now- to be on the journey long enough to build new practices through time on task.

What I’m noticing in me and in my clients is a greater sense of calm grounding, especially in formerly triggering situations. Less grasping out there and more confidence within, less tolerance for manipulations and bullshit, and more connectedness in general.

A client once asked, what does this do to be generative to my business (We’re often so used to torturous productivity and sales stuff being fed to us). My business clients KNOW what works to generate tactically. What’s getting in the way isn’t business and marketing skills – it’s the “inner management team and their distractions, doubts, and procrastinations that block creativity and courage. I can help with that.

Big love for you and all parts of you.

Your favorite life coach,

Allison

(pink flower or pink heart on any of my posts represents – be soft with the hard).

This poem is by Tanya Markul from The She Book.

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The Practice of Connection over Control

Elyse Rich — Mon, 10 Jul 2023 13:54:57 +0000

Episode 203 – The Practice of Connection over Control

Another road riff episode!

It’s Sunday morning, 8:23 am as I record this and I’m heading out to my therapeutic horseback riding lessons. After a difficult week, I’ve got some insights and lessons settling into my bones. There might be a few tears!

Y’all know everything has an analogy, right?
It’s not even an analogy, life just repeats itself in so many patterns and I see and experience the patterns and love sharing these connections with you – so that we can all SELF-connect a bit more deeply in our lives. (PS…seeing and making connections is an ADHD thing).

Today’s episode topic is control or connection and the lessons the horses and life are teaching me.

The skills of connection over control and protection are new for many of us and they require compassionate practice.

Time on task gives us the experience of moving from controlling a situation to connecting and moving through it.
It takes us from trying to do something to becoming one with doing something. I hope you enjoy the episode – from my tender heart to yours.

Love,

Allison Crow

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Resources:

Elizabeth Gilbert: Creative Living Beyond Fear

Website and things to see and read
1:1 Coaching
Book you will love: Unarmored: Finding Home in the Wild Edges of Being Human

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On the Front Porch with Protective Parts

allisoncrow — Tue, 20 Jun 2023 14:36:48 +0000

As a trained #internalfamilysystems coach (vs. a therapist) who works with very smart,

head-led, and strategic business owners – we do a ton of what I call

Front porch work.

My specific amazing clients have protectors & internal that use fierce but publicly rewarded coping mechanisms like #peoplepleasing #overachieving #overfunctioning #intellectualizing #awareness #caregiving #overthinking #anxiety and #strategizing. My clients often also have strong #innercritics and #perfection & #highstandards.

These are awesome and valuable skills.

Our goal is not to get rid of them but instead create an inner and physical (not just intellectual) trusting relationship with these parts- to learn from them, listen to their wisdom, and be in a different relationship with them. When we do- they relax a little & no longer OVERperform to exhaustion.

We spend time in connection and curiosity on the front porch – so to speak. Before we try to “go inside”.

We spend time together to create attunement, and attunement opens op connection and connection creates access to our natural #selfenergy. It’s a beautiful thing to sit on the front porch and facilitate these relationships in my clients’ inner systems. And it makes going even deeper inside almost natural.

Not all #ifscoaching is exactly like this- this is just what I see in my personal style as a coach and in my specific niche of clients.

You, at anytime, can sit on your own inner front porch and give your inner parts more love and connection, not less.

Allison.

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You Forget. It’s Not Your Fault & Here is What to do About it.

allisoncrow — Wed, 07 Jun 2023 14:53:02 +0000

Because you are human, because you live in a society whose systems are set up to make you forget – remembering can be your most vital practice.

Seriously, you aren’t broken; you’ve done nothing wrong – our systems literally are built on you out-sourcing your self-trust and remembering. When you forget, you give away power and buy stuff you don’t need without thinking. (I love buying stuff I don’t need – with clear intention).

Because you are engaged in life and work and smart as fuck, your mind and mental managers like to move fast through your ideas. Sometimes they get congested and confused. That’s normal.

If you knew that you would regularly – as in super often – FORGET who you BE What ritual could you set up so that you REMEMBER who you are?

. . .Because from that place, everything works with more lube. Flow has space to flow from the remembering.

And remembering doesn’t just happen. That’s why you suffer. We have to cultivate it.

You are not alone, dear human. Even though happy, and excited, and clear, I could feel a sense of forgetting when I sat down at the desk today – and my pre-planned ritual of journaling and writing with a SELF-ENERGY focus – brought me back to remembering. I won’t share the top half of that page quite yet (maybe someday -as you know, I’m pretty unfiltered)…but where I ended up, because of the daily practice, was in the remembering, and now I am able, from my heart to be here for you, and to gently take the next steps of my day.

Love, Your Favorite Life Coach.

Allison

I hope you remember.

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Flow Missing Do this First – It Works Every Time

allisoncrow — Wed, 31 May 2023 14:58:22 +0000

You are brilliant, accomplished, able, and driven with a caring heart.

And sometimes your brain runs faster than your body. (Mine is doing that this morning).

Overthinking and anxiety happen when we are going so fast that the body gets left behind. I know you have tons on your plate, families to take care of, work to get done, clients to create, a dog to walk, and so much more.

Slowing down doesn’t logically make sense to your thinking parts. AND IT IS WHAT WORKS.

Give yourself the SELF Connection that opens the channel of flow – you know that flow; I’ve seen you in it. That space where you remember who you BE, and everything works from there. It’s as if magic starts to happen.

Your thinking parts forget this. So we have to choose to create connection and attunement to our own core SELF.

Do this first.

Listen to the Latest Podcast Episodes:

PS: Thanks for helping me make my new book Unarmored: Finding Home in the Wild Edges of Being Human a best seller in 5 categories! I LOVE seeing the actual book in your hands and being tagged on Socials! Thank you!

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Allowing the Space for Heart Coherence

allisoncrow — Tue, 30 May 2023 14:14:06 +0000

Tone: deep contentment, mostly.

There’s an extra space this morning.

After the Soulies closing ceremony (my primary coaching work container over the last 7 years), and after deleting almost ALL of my old fb groups (one for every group program I’ve done since 2011),

I feel the void. Is that the right word?

Void = completely empty, so it’s not quite that, but I do feel the extra space. I sense my brain’s subtle compulsion to NEXT.

I am also in a space where I am able to see my “body of work” over the last 20 years – and longer. It’s a bit overwhelming, some of it embarrassing (to parts of me), and it’s exhaustive. Creating and earning have been so intertwined. My barking brain has the urge to solve the problem (that doesn’t exist).

I solve. Therefore I am?

Ah, the capitalism energy and systemic pressure of NEXTING.

I feel the extra space.

Next door, the 7 dogs are barking like crazy – a funny metaphor for my brain. Unlike my neighbors, I won’t keep my dogs cooped in the garage, but I do know how to engage and soothe my barking parts.

Amy Callahan sent me a lovely post about how horses, and just being near them help us to have a coherent heart.

“A coherent heart pattern is indicative of a system that can recover and adapt to stressful situations very efficiently. Many times, we just need to be in the presence of horses to feel a sense of well-being and peace.” –Superior Therapy LLC on Facebook.

This is my gentle direction.

Coherence. Congruence.

Clearing Completion.

Coherence. Congruence.

Space makes way for the Creativity. Practice makes way for the Creativity.

There are no big moves to make. Nothing to fill.

Heart Coherence.

So that I have a coherent heart and so that I spread that energy to those I come in contact with in any way (except my too many & neglected dogs neighbor – I’m not there yet).

, Allison

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Ep: 198 – Updates

allisoncrow — Sun, 21 May 2023 13:14:04 +0000

Hello Humans! Who else has been wild edging through transitions and wobbles! I made you a check in episode – to let you know a bit of the behind the scenes as we sort our shit out with laughter and compassion! Lots of little bite sized good things in this episode! Enjoy!

Love, Allison

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Roy Fucking Kent and Oscar the Grouch – My Muses

allisoncrow — Thu, 13 Apr 2023 14:53:30 +0000

I’ve been experimenting with something entirely new on behalf of ALL my parts. Especially the ones I’ve suppressed most of my life. I always imagined that I was a bit like Ted Lasso- but I think the real me is more Roy Fucking Kent.

A few months ago, I let myself have a new reaction to my irritations. Instead of judging myself, I’m actually creating beautiful and miraculous results by pursuing, flirting with, and referring to my irritation.

Roy Kent and Oscar the Grouch are my idols. Totally irritated. Totally pure.

I signed up for a conference a few months ago- for a guy that bugs the shit out of me. I get so dang charged when I see his content. I bought his book. I threw it in the recycled bin last year. And this season- I let my irritation decide. And she bought a ticket to his event- not to tear him down- but to see what we could learn through our irritation.

Oi!

If you don’t watch tv – I’m probably not your gal.

@sesamestreet For a second there we thought Oscar had met his match! #BrettGoldstein #OscartheGrouch #SesameStreet ♬ original sound – sesamestreet

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How To Handle Your Inner Critic

allisoncrow — Fri, 24 Feb 2023 17:22:27 +0000

Your Inner Critic, Inner Judger, and Shoulding parts need your love and affection – not banishment or elimination.

I’ve found it easier to give my affectionate presence to my anxious and depressed parts. Perhaps it is because I have been aware of them for much longer than some of my more aggressive managers.

From an IFS lens:

all parts have benevolent intent managers are trying to control life so we don’t feel pain

they run daily life and give us the illusion of safety and control.

Many of my thinking parts are managers scrambling for certainty in an uncertain world. It’s been said that “all thinking is parts.” We must remember that the goal is not to eliminate parts but lead them with attuned love.

I came across this quote by Francis Weller – and I particularly loved the phrase “quality of attention wedded with affection.”

This is my intention. To gently build my muscle memory for befriending my Inner Critic, my Relentless Shoulding parts, and the parts that often tell me I’m doing it wrong. I am here for you feisty managers. I see you. I will not leave you. I am here for you.

What is possible if you were to meet these parts of you with more openness and affection?

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